Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Which one is more important, impressive buildings or public facilities?


ochio 13 / 10 5  
Oct 6, 2015   #1
Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience!


Several people argue that build outstanding buildings is very essential for a city. However, some consider that government should allocate more funds to improve education facilities and modernize the health care amenities.

Nowadays, many cities are in a race to build remarkable buildings in the world. Many buildings have been built in the city with the impressive and unique designed as a symbol of the city. The government wants to present the city to the tourists, and tries to persuade them to come and visit the buildings.The number of tourists who come to the city could help to increase the financial income for the city and also its local citizens. For example, Trans Studio Bandung is an large and popular building in Bandung. There are many features are provided by the building, such as indoor amusement park, mall, and food court. After the building were built in 2011, it eventually became one of the city icons and tourist destinations.

As far as I concern, It is not only great buildings are needed in a city, but also vital facilities such as schools and hospitals. Without those facilities,it will decline townsfolk's quality of life. Furthermore, the government as decision-maker should manage the city's budget wisely and avoid to waste money for the worthless projects.

In conclusion, It is decent to construct great buildings to attract visitors to the city and earn money from that, but the stakeholders should not neglect other aspects. On the other hand, development should be focused on urgent projects instead of the less useful projects.

Alif Biswas 3 / 5 4  
Oct 6, 2015   #2
You can add more points in the side of improving schools and hospitals if you don't have a world limitation.
hasbi 29 / 42 23  
Oct 7, 2015   #3
hi... ochio...
your writing is very good and easy to understand..
but i will you some advice:

firstly, before you writing, understand the task first?

this is your task: Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

and

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience!
so, you must give reason why the government should invest in arts and in the impressive edifice

for explanation and developing paragraph, you can follow this pattern:

should the government spending money to build impressive buildings ?
if yes, why?
if no, why?

should the government spent on improving schools and hospitals?
if yes, why?
if no, why?
Clark Kent 20 / 23 6  
Oct 7, 2015   #4
Hi Ochio.
I really like to read your essay, it is very easy to understand. There is no serious grammatical error, and you give an example in every idea you have made, but i hope in next essay, you will give us more global example and not just take from your country. Yeah, it's good, but try something more famous maybe better than local place that everybody did not know exactly where is it.

One quick note, you should pay more attention to give an article a, an, and the to several words.

However, some consider that (The) government should allocate more funds to improve education facilities and modernize the health care amenities.

For example, Trans Studio Bandung is an(a) large and popular building in Bandung.
There are many features are provided by the building, such as (an) indoor amusement park, mall, and food court. After the building were built in 2011, it eventually became one of the city icons and tourist destinations.

Then, pay more attention to give a space after comma and full stop.

The government wants to present the city to the tourists, and tries to persuade them to come and visit the buildings.(give a space) The number of tourists who

Without those facilities,(give a space here) it will decline townsfolk's quality of life.

Gramatical error

After the building were (was) built in 2011, it eventually became one of the city icons and tourist destinations.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Oct 7, 2015   #5
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience!

- This essay partially answers the question, since you did not express your OWN opinion. You need to introduce your opinion in the opening or closing paragraph. This is the best way to achieve Task response in writing descriptor.

- Quickly google "thesis-led approach" and "argument-led approach"

- Let me help you write the first body paragraph.
It is argued that high-rise buildings bring positive impacts on the development of a city. This is because Skyscrapers are bound to be tourism attractions. This is illustrated by the fact that in Dubai where The Burj Khalifa stands at virtually 828.m this could attract tourists the world over. As seen, through a concerted effort to build the tallest building as a major commercial hub, Dubai has become one of the fastest growing economies in the world. From this, the more high-rise buildings a city has, the more benefits the city gains.


Home / Writing Feedback / Which one is more important, impressive buildings or public facilities?