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What is one kind of plant that is important to you or the people in your country? (wheat)


payal1982 10 / 19 5  
Jul 15, 2016   #1
Plants can provide food, shelter, clothing, or medicine. What is one kind of plant that is important to you or the people in your country? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

Plants are necessary for the survival of humans. Green plants, which possess chlorophyll take part in photosynthesis and release oxygen. Thus, both humans and animals are dependent on them. Plants are a major source of food and metabolic energy. Plants also contribute to the basic needs. For example, they provide paper, fiber, medicines, timber etc. Additionally, plants help in filtering air and provide a cleaner environment. Wheat is the second staple food in India and is consumed by millions of Indians. In my view, it is the most important plant to the people of my country for two reasons which I have explained below.

First, wheat is a source of income to many farmers and has contributed to the economic development of my country. India is the fourth largest in the world in terms of wheat production after USA, Russia and China. It is mostly produced in north and north western parts of the country. Uttar Pradesh, Punjab and Madhya Pradesh are the top producing states which are now referred as "Granary regions of India". With more than a million farmers dependent on wheat production, it is a source of income to them. There has been an increase in the wheat exports which has contributed to the economic growth of India and upliftment of the rural areas. The favorable temperature conditions for this rabi crop and increased consumption has enabled surplus production. Hence, increased income for the farmers and higher revenues for the country.

Second, wheat provides many other benefits. Flour from hard wheats is rich in gluten and is used in production of bread, flour, biscuits and cereals. Several health benefits of wheat have been suggested. For example, a recent research claimed that it can help reduce the chances of a heart attack .The wheat bran and wheat germ is main source of vitamins and minerals and provides essential nutrients for the growth and the development of body. Wheat is also used in alcohol industry along with molasses from sugarcane. It is also used as a fodder for livestock. Wheat is a source of starch for sizing paper and cloth. Therefore, wheat has both health benefits and commercial value.

In conclusion, wheat is the most important plant to me and the people of my country. It is the staple food of many Indians and a source of livelihood. Many farmers are dependent on wheat production for income. Wheat exports have contributed to the economic growth of the country. Apart from these, wheat has a commercial value and have many health benefits.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 16, 2016   #2
Hi Payal, I can see that you have gathered a comprehensive feedback from one of EssayForum members related to the coherence and cohesion of your essay. That was a good feedback anyway. You can see that sometimes your ideas are actually not running well and little bit jumpy. Those are the helps that you need.

With regards to further corrections and feedback to your essay, you can see it in the detailed descriptions below.

1st paragraph:
- Green plants, plants which possess chlorophyll, take part in photosynthesis and release oxygen. (adding appositive like this would be better I guess)
- Plants are a major source of food ................... a cleaner environment.(These sentences are not necessary because first, it is the language use that supposed to be appeared in body paragraphs not in introduction (too details) and second, example is also supposed to be appeared in body paragraphs)

- In my view(There are two options for this that you can choose one of them)From my point of view / In my opinion , it is the most important...

2nd paragraph: (I focus on the most noticeable errors only)
- Hence, increased income for the farmers and higher revenues for the countryare beneficial for the country . (fragment can be considered as a fatal grammatical error because it makes the sentence unclear. Avoid making that kind of mistakes, please do remember that a sentence should have at least 1 subject and 1 verb.)

3rd paragraph: (I focus on the most noticeable errors only)
- Flour from hard wheatswheat is rich... (wheat is uncountable)
- Several healthy benefits of wheat have been suggested by some doctors . (be careful with word formation and complement (if you say have been suggested, have been suggested by who?))

4th paragraph: (I focus on the most noticeable errors only)
- ...wheat has a commercial value and havehas many health benefits. (remember, a parallel sentence should have the same type of verb)

As you can see Payal, those are another feedback from me. I hope you can find it helpful towards your writing development. I can see that you have gained some improvements in the flow of ideas development. Good luck for the next practice :)
akbartaufiq25 7 / 81 54  
Jul 16, 2016   #3
Payal, in addition to the above comments from our big family of EF, here are my thoughts about your essay; starting with the strengths of your essay:

1. The ideas are rich. You know how to explain the details to support the main ideas of each paragraph (this refers to the body of your essay/ second and third paragraph, with an exception in the first paragraph which I will explain this later).

2. The prompt is addressed appropriately.

Still, to enhance your writing skill further, you might consider the following notes on your essay:

The first paragraph is crucial in an essay. A good introductory paragraph can attract readers' interest to read the whole of your essay. I think your first paragraph is a little bit ineffective to catch the readers' attention on your essay. Let us have a closer look on this:

Plants are necessary for the survival of humans. Green plants, which possess chlorophyll take part in photosynthesis and release oxygen. Thus, both humans and animals are dependent on them. Plants are a major source of food and metabolic energy. Plants also contribute to the basic needs. For example, they provide paper, fiber, medicines, timber etc. Additionally, plants help in filtering air and provide a cleaner environment.You explain the details overly here. I think you should compile the ideas from these sentences in just one sentence and then you go straight to the specific plant that has significant contributions to your country.

Also, you need to use a variety of diction with synonym substitution. This will make your essay looks better. But be careful, inappropriate use of synonym can be dangerous as it will affect the message of a sentence.

Hope this help. Cheers :D
OP payal1982 10 / 19 5  
Jul 16, 2016   #4
Thanks a lot everyone. No wonder I am writing an essay daily just to improve myself. I know there are several issues with my beginning of essays. and I struggle to fit words.... With practice I am sure I will be much more confident than I am right now.

I go through each feedback seriously and trying to implement in my essays. Thanks for your time and patience.

Practice makes you perfect!!

Thanks
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 18, 2016   #5
Hi Payal, it's absolutely great to hear that you are practicing everyday in order to improve your writing. Indeed, this is the most effective way to improve not only your writing but the overall concept of honing yourself in this craft. Writing is an art of not only mastering the English language but more importantly, giving voice to the ideas you have in your head, once you have them written, the reader will understand you better, will know what your opinions are and will be able to help move that idea and turn it into actions, as you know, our pens can definitely move the world and it has done it in more ways in the past and will continue doing it in the days to come.

Now, what I notice in your writing is the fact that, you have the idea in your head, your understand the logic behind the prompt, however, how you manage to transpire that idea into writing was not quiet parallel. Of course it takes a lot more practice, what I like about you is that, you are trying your best to come up with your own writing, you made it known that you can do it and you did it fairly well.

For future writing reference, try to gear towards modern day writing, not necessarily catchy or flowery phrases, but something that will not sound like it was written years ago, change the vocabulary you use, instead of "humans" you say "people", rest assured, the essay has been interestingly written.


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