Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

One paragraph only, about a live N.B.A. game.


carsonleeallen 3 / 4  
Jun 24, 2011   #1
Please double check my grammar for me.

The assignment is only one paragraph. The paragraph must have a strong topic sentence and each sentence in the paragraph should support the topic sentence.

Here it is

Attending a professional (N.B.A.) basketball game is filled with memorable events that lead to an exhilarating climax. As you enter the arena and take your seat, you are rewarded with the pleasure of watching these superstars work through their pregame drills. You get butterflies in your stomach once the public address announcer starts speaking, because you know as soon as the national anthem is over the crowd is going to erupt in excitement. The lights go out, colorful lasers start flashing, and loud heart pounding music starts blasting. Finally, the announcer introduces the starting line ups, the lights turn back on, and the players take center court. This entire adrenalin pumping roller coaster ride of anticipation has led to this one moment; the opening tip off. For the next forty-eight minutes these gladiators will be stunning your senses as they race up and down the court in competition.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jun 25, 2011   #2
Stunning your senses... very good... you should buy that domain name! :-) StunningYourSenses.com very cool...

I think you did a great job with this. You used great variation of sentence length and structure. I have no criticism for you!


Home / Writing Feedback / One paragraph only, about a live N.B.A. game.