Domestic violence is defined as acts of violence or abuse against a person living in one's household, especially a member of one's immediate family.(Dictionary.com.) Domestic violence is often viewed as violence against women by a husband or a boyfriend. This definition varies from the legal definition because it gives gender specfics; whereas the legal definition applies to any and everyone.
All participants in domestic violence are not identical. Domestic violence perpetrators can come from many different walks of life. There is no specific type of abuser. An abusive man or woman comes from different social, economic, and cultural backgrounds; that is why it is so difficult to identify them. Likewise, victims of domestic violence are not all the same. They may have similar personality quirks, such as insecurities, that make them a little more susceptible to being victims of abuse, but they still come from many different backgrounds. Because they are not easy to identify, a lot of abused victims go unnoticed.
Abusive behavior can take many forms. Abuse can be physical, emotional, psychological, and even sexual. Abusers tend to be great readers of people or manipulators and they know what to say or do to gain a person's trust and confidence, then they use whatever type of abuse will work to gain complete control over their victim. Physical abuse causes physical harm to a person, psychological and emotional abuse causes mental defect and instability in a person, and sexual abuse affects one's view of sex and/or their sexual activity.
There are always signs of abuse, but a lot of them go unnoticed because most of us are looking for obvious undeniable proof or signs of abuse. Abusers are smart, and very rarely leave any tell-tale signs of abuse. Also a lot of victims don't even realize they are being abused because the abuse starts out so subtle. An abuser may gently push, wrestle, pinch, or hit their victim and act as if they are just playing around, or break something in the house when there is an argument, hit the wall or the table when they are feeling frustrated, or even throw something at the victim when they are having a disagreement. Then he or she apologizes and starts the blame game, which means they blame the behavior on the victim, their emotions, and/or someone or something else.
Abusers and victims work hard to keep everyone from knowing the truth. Abusers create a facade of love, patience, devotion, and affection, which tends to fool everyone the knows them. Victims also work just as hard to keep everyone from finding out about the abuse because they are embarrassed or do not want to upset the abuser. If anyone begins to suspect there are abuse or starts to question the victim, the victim will usually get defensive or even violent. These defense mechanisms are designed to keep everyone out and unfortunately it is extremely successful.
Whether the signs of abuse are subtle or painfully obvious, they should not be ignored. Most victims are not going to tell anyone that they are being abused, so we should take the initiative to look for signs of abuse. Watch for drastic and subtle behavior or routine changes, such as: depression, isolation, drinking, smoking, other drug usage, aggression, fear, restlessness, insomnia, or sexual promiscuity. There may not be any physical signs of abuse, such as: bruises, cuts, scratches, broken bones, etc., but that does not mean the abuse doesn't exist. Keep your eyes, mind, and heart peeled for any sign of abuse.
Domestic violence and other forms of abuse continues to be an epidemic for various reasons. The main reason is acts of domestic violence often goes unreported. Victims choose not to report the violence for a lot of reasons. Financial security is one of the main reasons why they keep quiet. A lot of abusers do not allow their victims to work outside of the home because this helps keep them dependent on them; financial security or dependency causes a lot of victims to stay in violent situations. Other reasons are fear of retaliation from the abuser. Victims of domestic violence often suffer psychological abuse as well as physical abuse. Abusers will threaten to harm the victim, any children, other family members, and themselves if the victim leaves; this creates a sense of fear and the victim will stay.
Victims are embarrassed by the abuse. They don't want everyone to know about the abuse because they don't want to become a public spectacle or be judged by others. Society has unspoken rules or labels for victims of domestic violence, and victims are often blamed for being victims of abuse or labeled as being weak, sick, mentally troubled individuals.
Society must get educated about dating violence and domestic violence; learn the consequences, risks, and signs of such violence. Communities must be proactive in assisting those who are victims of domestic violence by creating a supportive and trusting environment where victims feel free to speak candidly, and not blaming, attacking, or belittling the victim.
No matter what the circumstances are or who the victim/abuser is, no one should ever turn a blind eye to obvious signs of abuse. We live in a society where social silence and inhibition are readily practiced by many people because no one wants to be responsible for "breaking up" or "damaging" a family. It is easier to make up excuses for the abuse and blame other factors, including stress, drugs, or alcohol, but abuse is never alright regardless of what factors are involved. The simple truth is: abuse is not an accident and no one deserves to be abused by anyone, especially by someone that they love and claims to love them.
