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One year struggling to be a better mom

chonggis 1 / -  
May 28, 2008   #1
Last year, I took a year off from school to raise my first child. By that time, I had no idea about how hard it would be. People always talk about what painful moments a woman has when she gives birth. But, I would say that's just a piece of cake! No one, except those who just start to be called "parents", really seems to know what troubles and pains are waiting for them in the next two year. Why two years? Not more? Experts say that the first two years are the most difficult stages in raising children and things get gradually easier. I just went through one year and I'd like to share some ideas to be a better mom and dad. Some of the followings can be my regrets and the others can be advice for you.

- What I think I did great last year.

1. First, I breastfed my baby for 13 months. That was an amazing experience! If you really want to breastfeed successfully, never give your baby anything else. No Milk! We are mammals. All the other mammals make it naturally. Why wouldn't we?

2. Second, I gave my husband an exclusive role to treat his daughter. A woman turns to be a biological mother while she is carrying and delivering a baby. But a man never has a chance before. He should be nurtured to be a father. So, I have my husband to bathe our daughter by himself and I never help him out doing that. At the beginning, he complained a lot but he got used to it gradually. Now he is a bathing expert! He is so proud of himself.

3. Lastly, preparing the first birthday ceremony for my daughter, I and my husband made our own video clip of "baby's first one year history". We could ask a specialist to make it but we didn't. I learned a movie editing program "Power Editor", which is very simple and useful method to edit every kind of video source. During the day time I took care of my babies, and on night time after my husband got back from work, we worked on the video things together. We stayed up three nights to get it done before the ceremony. I guess we've been seeing the movie more than 100 times, but never get bored. It always ends up in tears.

By the way, there is just one thing shameful for myself, which I regret most last year. Ask someone to help too late ; "Mom runs a bookstore and she just opened on-line game shop, she has been loaded too much." ,"Oh, I don't feel very comfortable with mom-in-law. I would rather carry all the physical burden myself." Actually, mom-in law hardly visited my house like once or twice a year and never really called me either. It made me feel like she didn't care about us at all. However, things were never going smooth for an exhausted woman who just finished her biological duty and handles a new-born baby and house chores at the same time.

One day, when my mom-in-law dropped by to give me her home-made kimchi, she said, "I know that every daughter-in-law may not be glad to be with her mother-in-law. That's why I try to keep myself away from you. But remember don't worry by yourself. If there's anything I can do for you and the baby, nothing can make me happier." Those simple words broke the ice between us. Moreover, she's been giving me such great support to take care of my daughter and I could get back to school.

My daughter stays with her grandparents now in the countryside. I and my husband go and see them every weekend. It takes more than two hours to drive down there, but we have really peaceful and pleasant time together. My daughter is running around the garden and hills and fed with various clean vegetables her grandparents raised. I absolutely know that she is so young and full of beans enough to tire her grandparents out. Also, how can I dare to say it's the best way for her to live apart from her mom and dad? But this is for sure. No more regrets I would have as long as I keep doing my best.

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