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ONLINE COMPUTER GAMES - There are several pros and cons toward the issue


kiki23 37 / 64 4  
Oct 22, 2016   #1
Some people think that online computer game is useful for children, while others claim is bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer game for children?

There are several pros and cons toward the issue of the online computer games for children. The advantages can be seen by a lot of useful puzzle games played by children in the computer increasing their ability to solve problem and many kinds of games offered by online averting children from boredom. However, the opponent believe computer games bring many drawback impacts for children as they should actively move rather than focus on screen in their age and the intensity of watching screen decreasing their eyes ability to watch normally.

Parents who let their children playing the online computer games believe it will increase their children ability to solve problem and it will avert children from boredom. It is undeniable fact that children are easily influenced by new things learned by them including online computer games. A research conducted by California University in 2012 showed as much as 51% children playing online computer games is more creative as they are accustomed to think fast to solve problem when they are playing. It is clearly can be seen that playing online games increase the brain productivity of children.

On the other hand, the reverse assumes playing the online games gives more drawback impacts. Some parents believe the growth of their children should be more supported by physical activity rather than to sit and watch the screen. Their assumption is supported by a recent survey carried out by Japan Childcare Expertise reveals as much as 63% of children playing online games is become lazy as it is addictive and more than 79% of them having eye disease in their early age as they have high intensity to focus on moving screen. Therefore, it can be seen that the drawback impacts of online games is not only making children lazy to have physical activity but also decreasing their eyes sensitiveness.

In conclusion, despite the positive impact of brain influence brought by online computer games, it also gives some disadvantages for children as it will make them lazy to have physical activity and it is not appropriate for them to stare long-term on the moving screen.

Activelung 4 / 13 5  
Oct 23, 2016   #2
Hello again kiki23! Here is my thought for your essay.
I will just write it down in the same format as the one from your previous thread.
From this writing on, I will only point out more important errors rather than with singular/plural mistakes from the first second paragraphs.
I hope this will be helpful.

Green = My personal recommendation (optional)
Red = Things you need to fix.


The advantages (or Computer games) can be seen byas a lot of useful puzzle games played by childreninon the computer increasingthat increases their ability to solve problem and many kinds of games offered by online averting children from boredom.(If you are referring to who makes those games, I suggest you to use these words instead: "software companies" or "downloaded from game websites")

... computer games bring many drawback ("drawback" is a noun, not an adjective to describe the following word "impacts") impacts for(to/on) children as they should ...

and THE intensity of watching screen ...
(Continuously watching the monitor can harm their eyesights.)

Parents who let their children playingplay the online computer (...) increase their children's ability to solve problem and it will avert children from boredom.

... influenced by new things learned by them including online computer games.
... showed as much as 51% children playing online computer games isare more creative as they are accustomed to thinking fast to solve ...
It is clearly can be seen that playing online games increases the brain productivity of children.

Some enhancements can be made by doing these following things below:
-"I was searching for something on a website.", "I was playing a computer game on my PC.",
"~ on PC", "~ on website", "~ on computer", "on screen", "on monitor"
(I'm not very good at explaining how grammar or a preposition works. So here are some examples for your understanding.)

- Be accustomed to ~ing something/ a noun.

- Be careful with using singular and plural nouns.
Activelung 4 / 13 5  
Oct 24, 2016   #3
Let me continue my feedback on the rest of your paragraphs.
Hopefully you will check this message soon.

... games gives more drawback impacts .
... rather than to sit and watch (or sitting and watching) the screen.
... Japan Childcare Expertise.IT reveals as much as (...) games is becomebecame lazy as it iswas addictive and more (...) in their early age as theyhavehad high intensity to ...

... that the drawback impacts of online games is (...) lazy to have less physical activity but also decreasing their eyes' sensitiveness (or eyesights) .

... gives some disadvantages forto children as it (...) to have less physical activity and (...) to stare long-term onat the moving screen.


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