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Online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus - Ielts2

QuyenPham 1 / -  
Oct 19, 2018   #1
Hi, I want someone to mark my essay and give me feedback so that I can know what is my current level and how much I have to work to achieve my target: 6-6.5. Thank you.

Topic: Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

the revolutionary education system

Online courses are becoming popular due to a huge amount of using the Internet. Many universities around the world also follow this trend so they now make lots of course available for people to study. In my opinion, this development brings benefits more than it's potential drawbacks.

At the first point, this way of learning creates a convenient environment for self-studying. Distance now is not a matter because learners can access to the course's resources quickly by the Internet. Moreover, online courses are not strict about study hour so they create a flexible schedule which is the main advantage over traditional learning. For instance, learners sometimes are too busy with their real life works so picking online courses would be an efficient choice for their additional learning because of optional study time.

On the other hand, the variety of categories of online courses allows people to learn anything which is suitable for their abilities. For example, Stanford university has uploaded all of their courses materials to a website so learners from any countries can experience well-quality courses from famous universities. In addition, it requires lower prices for enrolling an online course. Typically, the largest online learning system, Coursera, provides financial aid policy which is helpful for learners from poor conditional countries.

Last but not least, learning through online platform not only helps people to enhance their skills but also gives them a good chance for their career path. For instance, name or certificate of top universities would be a strong point in CV when applying for job position.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that online learning is revolutionary of modern education systems.

Hetav Pandya 7 / 15 4  
Oct 19, 2018   #2
huge amount of using - heavy usage of internet
At the first point - On one hand
well quality - good-quality
poor conditional - poor/under developed countries
revolutionary aspect of
There are a few more grammatical errors and I would score it as 5/9. Don't get disheartened you can always learn and improve your works :)
nuradiapuspa 11 / 25  
Oct 21, 2018   #3
Dear @QuyenPham,

I have a few advices to your essay. Hope it helps.

I only get a 6.5 score in writing, and if I were you, I prefer to organize this kind of prompt by this way:

Paragraph 1 : introduction (the debate on positive and negative side of online courses in public) + my opinion
Paragraph 2 : body paragraph --> explain the argument that opposite with mine
Paragraph 3 : body paragraph --> explain my opinion, strengthen with some examples
Paragraph 4 : Conclusion

With that organization, I think I am able to give a full construction of ideas that strengthen my standing point.
In the last paragraph, you also have to build a solid conclusion that should be more than 2 sentences.

Best of luck!

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