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Online games attract children to spend their leisure time on computer screen


eve01 24 / 40 5  
Oct 23, 2016   #1
Question:
Some people think that online computer games are useful for children, while others claim are bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer game for children?

Answer:

It is commonly believed that online games attract children to spend their leisure time on computer screen. Some people believe this activity is more beneficial for children, whereas other claim it highly unacceptable. Even though, the disadvantages from this habit will spend a lot of money and less time to focus on studying but it will also teach children how to do decision-making and less pressure

It is known that some people regard playing online computer games will consume plenty of time for children. This activity is not only wasting much money but it also spends time which should be used for studying. In additional, letting children playing online games will accustom them to obtrude to get what they want. Obviously, if parents do not follow their willing, they become an isolate person and it will make them have no spirit to study or attend school. It is true that some citizens say online computer games will make children spending a lot of money before they can focus on studying and earn money for financing their life

On the other side, there are some benefits which are brought by online computer games according to others people. Children will know how to decide something related to their future life and also will help to less their stress feeling. Besides that, playing games will keep their mind busy and become more responsibility due to types of games they play such as puzzle games can stimulate their creativity and releasing stress since parents demand them to be perfect kids at home or school. It is often said that online games have some benefits to help kids being more creative to do decision-making and less their gloomy feeling.

Overall, it is needless to say that although, some people believe online games give positive impact for teenagers like less stress feeling and good to decide something, others said it is definitely worse because the drawbacks of this activity are spending much money and less time to prepare school subjects.

Activelung 4 / 13 5  
Oct 23, 2016   #2
How are you, eve01? Here is my feedback which might help you reinforce your ideas in later writing sessions.
I will only take care of the first and second paragraphs (the introduction and the first body).

Green = My personal recommendation (optional)
Red = Things you need to fix.

... activity is more beneficial forto children than to adults (because you used the word "more" earlier in this sentence) , whereas other claim that it (or the statement)is highly unacceptable. Even though, (here is not where you put a comma when using "even though") the disadvantages from this habit will spend(cost or let people waste) a lot of money and less time to focus on studying but,(here is where the comma has to be placed!) it will also teach children how to do(enhance or improve) decision-making and less(minimize) pressure.

It is known that some people regard believe playing online computer ...
... wasting much money but it also spends time which should be used (spent) for studying. In additionaladdition , letting children playing online games will ...
..., they become an isolatedpersonpeople (because you used "they" earlier) and it will make ...
... games will make children spending a lot of money before they ...
Giansy11 18 / 32 5  
Oct 23, 2016   #3
Hi ms. Eva, i have some corrections for you.

Even though, the disadvantages from (...) to focus on studying, but it will also teach ...
[even though s+v, s+v]

This activity is not only wasting much money but it also spends time ...
[same subject]

Overall, it is needless to say that although some people believe ...


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