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[IELTS writing task 2] Online shopping: discuss both sides and give your opinion.

hgianghgiang 7 / 14 3  
Aug 22, 2017   #1
A few questions:
- Should I present my opinion in the intro paragraph?
- If the question said "Some shoppers choose to shop online..." --> Would it be wrong for me to include the advantages/disadvantages of the VENDORS?

I would greatly appreciate your help. Thanks in advance!

In recent years, online shopping has become increasingly popular. Some people think such shopping method is beneficial, while other believe it creates more problems than it solves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Shoppings over the Internet

Ever since the internet declared a takeover, digital shopping has been on a constant rise and has the potential to be the dominant shopping method. Such pattern ,however, has created both problems as well as opportunities. This essay will explore two sides to e-commerce, along with providing my own perspective.

On the one hand, there are several serious pitfalls when one makes a purchase on the web, namely: risks of fraud and limited access to the products. As the term suggests, online shopping is only possible through the internet, a place hidden with countless threats, including frauds, identity theft and virus. At the same time, unlike conventional stores which don't close unexpectedly, online stores incur frequent malfunction. A further drawback is the fact that shopping websites would only provide product description and links to the merchandises, instead of allowing buyers to test the products personally. This can be extremely inconvenient when purchasing goods such as clothes or cosmetics.

Conversely, this novel way of shopping can be beneficial for two parties of the business. In particular, customers from around the world are able to gain information about a company and its products in 24/7, despite geographic limit, thus saving time and money. They can also compare prices of different products or keep up with the latest discount programs within a few clicks. For vendors, opening online stores means lowering overheads with regard to employing staff as well as depending on distributors and retailers. Some companies may cut costs further by terminating printing catalogs or constructing new stores. The latter would be notably profitable in countries with ever-increasing property taxes such as Britain or Japan.

Ultimately, it appears to me that the advantages of e-commerce can far outweigh the hassles. This is highly recommended for busy buyers who wish to save time and sellers who aim to reach out to a wider range of customers.

(313 WORDS)

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,301 3343  
Aug 22, 2017   #2
In response to your questions Giang:

1. No. As I previously informed you, no opinion should be discussed in the opening paragraph. That is only to serve as the outline for the succeeding paragraphs. Your opinion is a separate and stand alone paragraph that should be located anywhere in the 3 body paragraphs.

2. Do not include the vendors in the discussion. Only the consumers / shoppers are referred to in the essay. Stick only to the given "characters" for discussion. Adding the vendors would be an alteration to the provided prompt discussion.

Now, you have a problem with using the correct reference terms in this essay. "E-commerce" is the overall line of business that vendors are engaged in. You are talking about "e-shoppers", who are the clients and consumers of the "e-commerce" sites. Don't confuse the two as they refer to 2 different people in the given discussion.

The discussion of the vendors is misplaced and not required in the second paragraph. As such, you will have lost points because you did not completely discuss the topic that you presented about the convenience that e-shopping provides. Your first reason is good, the second reason is under developed, and I do not see any reference to your personal opinion at all in the body paragraphs. That should have been the 3rd discussion, creating a 5 paragraph essay for submission and scoring. Oops... missing out on the personal discussion means some major points deduction for your essay as it comes across as an incomplete essay presentation.
OP hgianghgiang 7 / 14 3  
Aug 23, 2017   #3
Thank you so much. Your advice is really helpful and important to me. I'm desperately trying to understand why my essays usually score low and I've made some progress!!

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