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The online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand's market, in 2003 and 2013; Task 1


sasariri 17 / 25  
Oct 9, 2016   #1
The pie charts present the information about the percentages of online sales through different retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. According to the charts, there were four sectors : travel, film and music, clothes and book. Overall, it can be seen that there was significant changes in their proportion of online market.

To begin, in 2013, Travel sector addressed for the majority of online trades at 36%, but this percentage had declined to 29% in 2013. During the same period, as a dramatic rise people had tendency to purchase film and music through online market while the transaction jumped from just 21% to 33%, making film and music sector with the largest proportion of the whole online sales in 2013.

By 2013, clothes hold an admirable 24% of the whole online sales proportion in New Zealand. However, the figure had dropped sharply to 16% in 2013. Interestingly, online sales of books eventually overtook sales of clothes although clothes still captured only 22% of the market.




ryan31 65 / 96 15  
Oct 9, 2016   #2
hai sasariri
it is nice to read your writing
I have some advice for you
I hope it help to improve your writing skill

The pie charts present the information about the percentages of ...

let me help you to paraphrase the instruction
The pie chart gives information about an alteration in percentages of trading activities with access to the internet for different retail aspects in New Zealand in one decade.

According to the charts, <<<< do not repeat previous sentence
there were four sectors :consists of travel, film and ...

Overall, it can be seen that there was significant changes in their proportion of online market. <<< it is too general
travel led online sales, but books take place in the bottom rank in 2003. On the other hand, ten years later, film take place in the first rank, but clothes stand in the last position.

To begin, in 2013, Travel sector addressed for ...
During the same period, it as a dramatic rise (...) transaction jumped from just 21% to 33%,

I think it is enough
thanks


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