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An Open Essay entitled Weekend. I need some help to elaborate further.


Suzanne Yeoh 1 / 1  
Aug 17, 2012   #1
I need some help to elaborate further.Opinions on how this essay should be written are welcome.

Everybody has a different view about weekends. To some of us it is a day filled with tuition classes. It can be a day out with our beloved family or our favourite past time ---- lazing around watching the television enjoying popcorns.

Weekends are priceless, yet some of us have difficulties in spending their weekends. They literally had no idea on how to plan their weekends wisely and orderly. It is of utmost importance that we learb how to be organised in order to avoid a hectic schdule as well as unhealthy activities such as taking drugs and gambling which destroys valuable lives as well as our future.

Here are some relevant tips on how one can manage their weekend proficiently. Firstly, start out with a timetable which is flexible This will allow us to have a better arrangement of activities without missing others as well. Be sure to allocate plenty of time for revision as well as some fun and enjoyment to relax ourselves, after all it's weekend! It is also important to remember that we should not tire ourself out by dwelling on an activity or work for too long. That is why fun and study should be balance.

I enjoy weekends, weekends where I would wake up late in the afternoon and take lunch skipping my breakfast.There would be no tuition classes. Then, I would call my bosom friends and go shopping together with damn. I would also enjoy watching movies at home, screaming to myself when a handsome character appeared on the screen. It would also be a change if my family are free altogther for recreational activites, which I am sure would enhance our relationship.

Thus, weekends are precious and must not be wasted. Weekends may not only be on a Friday and Saturday [Kedah, Malaysia], as long as we plan our day wisely,learn how to relax and appreaciate everyday, I am sure everyday would be as enjoyable and lovely as every weekend.

END.

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Aug 18, 2012   #2
with our beloved families

which destroys valuable lives and, therefore,as well as our future.

In order to elaborate on the second paragraph I think you can write about the causes that affect our attitudes toward weekends. U talked about drugs and unhealthy activities. So, why do some people choose these types of activities? If you talk about the roots of these problems you can make your essay more attractive.

we are educatedlear how to be organised in order to avoid

Add more detail to this part. How do we learn that? Who teach us? Dose media play a role?

Here are some relevant tips on how one can manage their weekend proficiently.

"Here are" is a little informal. U can write the sentence in this way (just a suggestion):"There are several ways that may help us to use our spare times effectively."

This will allow us to have a better arrangement of activities without missing others as well.

Add an example here.

Be sure to allocate plenty of time for revision as well as some fun and enjoyment to relax ourselves,

write about the effect of relaxation on our mental state and other positive aspects of that.

I think you should connect the forth paragraph to the previous ones. I, as a reader, could not understand why you were talking about yourself. In the second paragraph you talked about some unhealthy activities and in the third one you suggested some ways for spending free time. I think you should work on the cohesion of the essay and try to connect different parts of the essay to each other.
OP Suzanne Yeoh 1 / 1  
Aug 19, 2012   #3
Thanks so much for the opinions. I have been trying to work out paragraph 3 as well. ;)


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