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Opening the novelties of efficient train services for travel across city capitals

Qianting 3 / 9 1  
Nov 27, 2017   #1
IELTS 12 Test 7
In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

funding new railway lines?

People in some countries believe that a large amount of money should be used on the construction of new railways, while other people argue that emphasis should be put on developing public transport. I think both infrastructures are vital in people's daily life and we should not neglect either of it.

Railway plays one of the most fundamental role in a nation's transport, and the build of new railway lines could not only connect different cities, but also help a region's economic development. Compared to airplane, transport via trains saves far more costs, and in terms of time, it is less time-consuming in comparison with river transport. In this way, the development of railway system helps the improvement of local economy. Furthermore, it facilitates people by shortening our commuting time, helping to close connections among different cities. For instance, the traveling time is saved by double once the high-speed railway was built between Shanghai and Beijing, so the communication between people from these two cities becomes easier.

On the other hand, existing public transport is essential and affects everyone's daily life. The improvement of public transport, such as subways and buses, will have direct benefits to every citizen living in the city. In addition, the construction of public transport not only gives more options to citizens in transportation, but also becomes an expedient way to control the usage of private cars, the main source of air pollution.

In conclusion, I think financial support should be put on both constructions. Only in this way can people live a more convenient and comfortable life. (262 words)

I cherish every piece of advice!

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Nov 27, 2017   #2
Hi Qianting, these are my thoughts about your writing. Hopefully, these can improve your writing skill.
For your introductory paragraph (the first paragraph), it is enough good, but you needed to deliver proper word to display what you think such as "the emphasis should be put..". Turning to your body paragraph, your writing missed coherence and cohesion for building your opinion there. In the first body paragraph, you mentioned that the fast trains can help to connect easily among cities, but you did not present supporting sentences to strengthen your view. Actually, the first sentence of the first paragraph showed that you would review connection, and then saving budget. However, you could not meet those systematically.

Looking at your second paragraph closely, you said that improving the public transport benefit directly, but you did not write those. It seemed as the list of idea without strong reasons. In the same case, you also the mode can control the level of the population, but you did not still present your strong opinion encouraged by logic reasons. Avoid it seemed as layman's opinion.

I hope these a few suggestion can help you to make this essay better. GOOD LUCK
Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Nov 27, 2017   #3
Hi Qianting, I have paraphrased the topic for its reference.

Some people who live in a portion of countries believe that opening the novelties of efficient train services for travel across city capitals is vital and therefore, it should be concentrated with sufficient funds. Though, others think that rather spending on building new lines for cities travel, the funding ought to focus on the transportation in its public. In this essay, I will discuss both sides perspectives and provide my own opinion at the end.

Hope that helps.

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