Dear all,
I have an essay for the below topic. Please help me to review and correct it.
Thank you very much for your help.
Nhon
Topic:
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
My essay:
Although education has been changed a lot from what it was since thousands of years ago, the spirit of co-operation are still kept and encouraged to develop in schools all over the world for years. However, schools also hold many competitions to choose the best ones among students. Some people think co-operation is better than competition while others think the other way. In my opinion, these terms are two aspects of the same object so they always go together and we can't split them out.
Physically, the most difference between people and other animals is that we live in society. As a result of this, everyone must contact with other ones, not only people in his/her family but also outside people such as his/her friends, colleagues. It is the reason why we have been studying about co-operation since we were children. As an example, until now I still remember my first lessons of my life such as sharing the toys, helping people. These lessons did help me a lot since they are always in my mind to prevent me from doing any bad thing.
In contrast, competition is another characteristic makes people and society become better. In order to archive a good position among people, everyone must study and work very hard and it does not only help himself/herself but also the whole society. Consequently, this ability is taught to children via the contests to help them prepare for a competitive society when they become adults. In fact, in my opinion, how to compete is an important subject people should study. It means we should help others in our way to improve ourselves instead of ruining people to reach our target.
In conclusion, co-operation and competition are two aspects of the same subject and they can't be separated. We should always try our best to achieve the target but remember to help others to make a better society.
Greetings!
I'd be happy to! Here it is, with some corrections:
Although education has changed a lot from what it was thousands of years ago, the spirit of co-operation is still kept and encouraged to develop in schools all over the world. However, schools also hold many competitions to choose the best ones among students. Some people think co-operation is better than competition while others think the other way. In my opinion, these terms are two aspects of the same object so they always go together and we can't split them.
The biggest difference between people and other animals is that we live in society. As a result of this, everyone must have contact with others, not only people in his/her family but also outside people such as friends and colleagues. It is the reason why we have been studying about co-operation since we were children. As an example, I still remember my first life lessons such as sharing toys and helping people. These lessons did help me a lot since they are always in my mind to prevent me from doing anything bad.
In contrast, competition is another characteristic which makes people and society become better. In order to archive a good position among people, everyone must study and work very hard and it does not only that person but also the whole society. Consequently, this ability is taught to children via the contests to help them prepare for a competitive society when they become adults. In fact, in my opinion, how to compete is an important subject people should study. It means we should help others on our way to improving ourselves instead of ruining people to reach our target.
In conclusion, co-operation and competition are two aspects of the same subject and they can't be separated. We should always try our best to achieve the target but remember to help others to make a better society.
Good job!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
