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In your opinion, what benefits do these celebrations have for society? Ielts Writing Task 2

douyin20102006 1 / 1  
Jun 18, 2022   #1

benefits of traditional celebrations

Living in a modern world, tradition has either symbolic meanings or significant importance to society. Therefore, a large number of traditional festivals are celebrated annually around the world. This essay will discuss the importance of traditional festivals.

First of all, during a celebration, people gather together with others. Annually, everyone takes a chance to meet their relatives, children visit their grandparents, neighbours and come together and celebrate. For example, in Vietnam, on the Tet holiday, people come back to their hometown and wish their relatives a good year. These yearly traditional festivals allow people to gather happily and enjoy themselves together and this promotes integration between people and people.

On the other hand, traditional festivals also play a crucial role in society. Celebrations are not only a good time for all people to know more about their cultures, customs, traditions, and religion but also a good occasion for the schools to organize their extra - curriculum so that the students can have more opportunities to understand more about their countries' tradition. Furthermore, experiencing their cultures can help them understand the importance of it and preserve, maintain their traditional celebrations. For instance, in North Korea, there is a day that all of the citizens have to go to Kim Jong-il square to pay respect to the colossal leader, everyone who does not come to that festival will be charged strictly.

To conclude, I wanna emphasize the benefits of traditional celebrations because they congregate people together and make them know and preserve their culture. Furthermore, they reflect the civilization of an ethnicity.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,839 4175  
Jun 18, 2022   #2
The establishing topic and discussion paragraphs must be presented over a 3 sentence paraphrase and discussion topic statement. The current first paragraph has a strong topic introduction but a very bad discussion focus. The lack of discussion reasoning topics weakened the opinion presentation. Next time, provide a clearer outline in relation to the topic opinion. Do not just repeat the discussion instructions as points are not awarded for that redundancy.

There is no "on the other hand" to discuss. The wrong phrase was chosen for use. The phrase refers to a comparative discussion of an opposing presentation. Since these are related and both positive, a continuing cohesiveness reference should have been used.


You are not writing to someone from the ghetto. You are writing to an academic professional. Never use informal word references in any of there essays. There is no place in this writing for English slang.


The reference should be for a proprietorial country. Therefore the singular reference with 's should be used. The plural form of the word should not be used. This is incorrect grammar.

The sudden addition of the ethnic reference at the end without proper development will cause an automatic failing score due to an open-ended rather than concluded essay.
OP douyin20102006 1 / 1  
Jun 24, 2022   #3
#349342 : "... and hit the bottom at 5 million tonnes" .

The word "hit" should be changed into hitting
Vink 2 / 3  
Jun 28, 2022   #4
+ wanna --> want to
Long sentences (> 35 words):
+ "Celebrations are not only a good time ..."

+ " For instance, in North Korea, there is ..."
janeedilyss 3 / 5  
Jun 30, 2022   #5
-In your introduction, you forgot to show your own opinion, which is really important and has a huge impact on your score
-You must use FORMAL language in writing. ("wanna" --> "desire to", "want to")

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