Opinion on whether or not children should be sent to school with tons of need-to-complete homework

Hi guys,
I'm practicing IELTS writing task 2. Please give me some comments on my essay. Thanks in advance! All the best, Thuy

IELTS WRITTING TASK 2. HOMEWORDS.

Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views, and give your own opinion.

People's opinions sometimes considerably differ on whether or not their children should be sent to school with tons of need-to-complete homework. While there are still several existing arguments against the setting of homework, my point is that the homework assignment is a vitally important aspect of sustainable development in education and training.

There must have been a row of reliably reported reasons to explain why many agree that homework is an unnecessary burden on their children. Firstly, homework does nothing to improve educational outcomes in some typically modern societies such as Finland, Germany, and the Netherlands. In spite of that, their education systems regularly remain at the top of the international educational league tables for years. Their high - ranking education outperforms other nations where children hit the school every day, along with mandatory homework. Secondly, the whole day in school is already long enough. Children are probably even too exhausted so that they cannot stand doing further studies when they already return home. Finally, brain development requires a nice relaxing time to recover from the hustle and bustle of daily life rather than a routine operation that goes wrong.

My point is, in contrast, homework has a critical role to play in the schooling of children. Indeed, it could be a tool to encourage independent learning and problem-solving. In a bustling world with activity, children gradually will face challenges at their own pace. For that reason, these skills are in need of growth to ensure independence in their own lives. To achieve this goal, right at the school, students need to manage to get the most feasible resolution to apply previously learned knowledge to new domains

A clear example of this is that an excellent student, maintaining high marks in mathematics, certainly must spend most of his free time doing mathematics exercises at home. If not, he will get into trouble in being familiar with a ton of complicated and invisible concepts lecturing by their teachers at school. These intellectual exercises support them in consolidating available understandings to adapt to independent works in the future. In general, learning is only a one-way path unless assignments are included. Importantly, sooner or later, children are going to develop an independent study habit to address new problems alone as adults.

In conclusion, setting homework, of course, has its drawbacks, but I support the view that its benefits have consistently outperformed for a very long time.

This is an academic essay. Everyday English slang does not have any place in it. Do not refer to "tons of need-to complete homework" as that is simply too informal for this type of discussion. You have inaccurately created a rephrasing of the original prompt. Actually is not inaccurate in as much as it is incorrect. You must refer to the original discussion, the points for discussion, and refrain from presenting a personal opinion at that point. The personal opinion may only be completed after you have presented a discussion of the 2 points of view. After those discussions have been presented, then you discuss your personal opinion in the last part of the essay. So you should be presenting 3 discussion paragraphs instead of 3 reasoning paragraphs with 2 representing your personal opinion. Each opinion gets only one paragraph each.