Unanswered [18] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

An opinion essay about discussing views and giving personal opinion.

JackieMahamn 3 / 7 5  
Jul 29, 2019   #1
The topic: Some people believe that children learn better when they are placed in classes with children of similar abilities. Others believe that children learn better when they are in classes with children representing a diverse range of academic abilities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

learning environment for a child

Some people suppose that the most effective learning way for children is to collaborate with many children of the similar academic levels. Others believe that it is more productive for children to learn with others having a broad diversity of knowledge, which I immensely concur with.

The collaboration with superior friends brings many benefits to children's learing process. They can accquire more knowledge from various fields, which helps advance their self development accademically. As children study with smart peers, they can be able to explore what they are truly concerned about, which is completely good for their future orientation. Additionally, staying in such that good environment will push each kid forward, which is the tremendous source of motivation.

Besides, such a cooperation with other children of the same levels aslo ripes some benefits. Since they stay in a normal environment like others, they will have an easier understanding about what their friends say. Therefore, they might not feel overwhelmed and confused by complicated things. Plus, the curriculum is not very difficult ;so, they do not feel under pressure much. Moreover, they will pick up new things with the ease.

However, I believe that the non-pressure environment does not create many good children. This means that they might not get a large range of knowledge if they are not pressured or motivated by the environment. They can not be the best versions of themselves in academic aspects.

In conclusion, learning in any environment is still good and brings some specific benefits for children. Nevertheless, whether they can be good children or not mostly depends on patience and determination that they put on their learning process.

I hope you guys will help me correct my writing. Thank you so much!
Veranda 5 / 13 4  
Jul 29, 2019   #2
I have some suggestions for you:
- make sure to spell the words correctly such as acquire, academically
- I don't think "people suppose" really fits in this context. You should use "say" or "think" instead
- "having a broad diversity of knowledge" doesn't mean "representing a diverse range of academic abilities" (as in the prompt). Maybe you can change it to "different levels of learning capability"

- such that a good environment
- ..very difficult so they don't feel ...
- with the ease -> at ease
- they put on in their learning...
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Jul 29, 2019   #3
Hello there! I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback beneficial; I also hope that you keep coming back to us for feedback on your writing.

Firstly, I recommend revising your first paragraph to focus more on the structure of your composition. Your transition was not well executed because of the lack of general direction in writing. I heavily suggest incorporating more punctuation and pauses to ensure clarity of speech.

While your second paragraph (and third) are both decent, you can work on enhancing the tone to a more academic standard.

You can merge the fourth and last paragraph together to ensure that you have a more substantive overview of your summation of text.

Best of luck as always!
OP JackieMahamn 3 / 7 5  
Jul 29, 2019   #4
Thank you so much for your opinion!

Thank you so much for your support!!

Home / Writing Feedback / An opinion essay about discussing views and giving personal opinion.