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Ielts writing task 2: Opinion on extra classes; one of the most challenging issues in education

bubbles117 2 / 7 1  
Jul 4, 2019   #1

additional learning classes at school

Nowadays children are joining extra coaching classes apart from the school studies. Some think it is important for their future, others think the extra time should be spent playing. Do you agree or disagree?

It is undeniable that the increase in the number of pupils taking extra classes except outside school hours is one of the most challenging issue in education. While some people deem that after-school lessons are vital for students' future, others assume that after-school hours should be utilized in leisure activities. In my opinion, I am in complete agreement with the latter statement.

On the one hand, taking extra learning classes is trivial and has a number of dire drawbacks to pupils . Children spend the bulk of their time at school learning to acquire comprehensive knowledge of subjects required for their examinations. If they continue studying for long periods of time, they will suffer intolerable stress because of information overload. For example, a recent study by Melbourne University showed that students who study more than 14 hours a day often contract severe illnesses relating to physical and metal ones.

On the other hand, that pupils utilize their after-school hours in enjoyable activities can have a host of profound merits. It is because when they socialize with their buddies, they would build social skills as well as learn to handle their emotions through relationships with their peers. Moreover, time spent outdoors and away from screens would be good for children as it refrain them from technology devices' negative effects. Numerous studies have consistently found that 75% of students spending a long time outsides don't face with increased vision problem.

In conclusion, children should be inspired to do more entertaining activities after-school time since they enable pupils to develop the full potential and the rise in taking extra private lessons should be reduced on account of its disadvantages to students' mental heath.

wyzbui 2 / 5 2  
Jul 5, 2019   #2
My former ielts teacher gave me a comment that ielts learners should not use V-ing sentence in the first position of the para. In my opinion, you should change the "taking extra learning classes ... pupils" to other form.
OP bubbles117 2 / 7 1  
Jul 5, 2019   #3
Thank you for your help :3. I'll change it later.
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Jul 6, 2019   #4
Hi there!

I think that, in hindsight, your writing is quite put-together. I would suggest incorporating more terms that will help you escalate your writing. Try to also focus more on simpler structured sentences as opposed to writing complex and yet insubstantial content. Prioritizing is therefore key to great writing.

Furthermore, it will also be helpful to add more real-life worldly examples as opposed to a general influx of writing. Try to create a backbone for the argumentd of your writing by adding more definitive content.

Aside from these, I find that your essay is already quite put-together. Try to just learn how to maximize the writing space more.

Best of luck as always.
OP bubbles117 2 / 7 1  
Jul 7, 2019   #5
Thank you Maria for your feedback :3. Have a good day!

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