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IELTS- My opinion on having children engaged in paid work


Annateee 2 / 11 1  
Apr 3, 2013   #1
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as a completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this ?

There are many youngsters engaged in some type of paid work in this day and age. Some sections of society say that it is absolutely wrong while some people believe it is good to have children employed in paid work. In my perceptive, I certainly agree that it engaging in paid work has benefits the students in various ways.

First and foremost, without a doubt, work experiences are crucial for our future career in this competitive society. Working can enhance children's life experiences as well as it can build up their responsibilities. Take a waiter as an example. Work as a waiter should be polite to customers and they will face problems that never occur in school such as customer's complaint . In view of this, they are more likely and easily to tackle the problems compare to the children who have never work before.As the saying goes, 'experience is the best teacher'. From the working experience,they will learn from mistakes and try to apply the skills that they learnt in the real life.

Besides, some students work after school to earn some pocket money to ease their parents burden. However, it is too tiring for the children to work after school. In light of this, they cannot focus on their studies in a long run and they might fall asleep in a class because of exhausted. Due to the fact that they have insufficient time to revise or study for their examination and do their assignments as well. If they do not manage their time wisely, it might affect their results and performance in school. It showed working has a signnificant impact on children's future.

In a nutshell,there is no completely benefits or drawbacks for youngster who work part-time jobs or full-time jobs during school holiday and so forth. However, students must strike the balance between study and work and mange their time properly because 'time is gold'. In my opinion, last but not least, as a student should always bear in mind that education always comes first for our own bright future.

Hi ! I did the correction :) thanks for the advices ! I will learn from my mistakes :D thankssss !

muhannadmatahen 4 / 4  
Apr 3, 2013   #2
I am somewhat agree that it engaging in paid work has benefits the students in various ways.

i think you should point yoCr opinion directly, since you are defending it, you should be convinced in your opinion.

Working can enhance children life's experiences

children's lives

they are more likely and easily

most
OP Annateee 2 / 11 1  
Apr 3, 2013   #3
I am partially agree and disagree..but how to write in a proper way ?
How do u think my essay ? Overall, ok ?
Thank you so much !!! :)
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 3, 2013   #4
There are many youngstersare engaged in some type of paid work in this day and age.

... pay attention to this grammar correction!

. Part of the societies says that it is absolutely wrong forto have youngsters engaged in paid work whereas some people hashave a postive outlookview on paid workthis activity .

Some sections of society say that it is wrong while others believe it is good to have children employed in paid work.

There is no abosolutely right or wrong that youngsters are engaging in paid work

You cannot say it is completely right or wrong to have children engaged in paid work.
You need to pay lots of attention to grammar!


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