Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


IELTS Task 2 - Opinion - The meaning behind traditional or religious festivals


fallingstar3107 1 / -  
Nov 29, 2018   #1
Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals, during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


Answer:
Some people argue that the underlying meanings of traditional and religious festivals are being forgotten, considering that most of us derive pleasure from enjoying holidays. While I agree that time spending for personal fulfillment should be appreciated, I do not agree that people no longer remember these festivals meaning.

On the one hand, positive vibes are the end of those celebrations, but to some extent, people are using them as an excuse for instant gratifications. People tend to be not patient enough to go through all procedures due to lack of time and even more, lack of interest. These seem to be the inevitable result of demanding working lifestyle, given the advent of globalization and the booming economy. By way of illustration, during Tet, which is Vietnam traditional festival celebrating the Lunar new year, people usually go shopping for clothes, gadgets, accessories then decorate their homes. Furthermore, some even book an overseas holiday for their families, to escape from urban noises. In other words, enjoyment is our priority.

Nonetheless, I disagree with the idea that people no longer remember origin meanings of celebrations. The key to any festival period is to strengthen the bonds within religious groups and families. To maintain such relationship, human beings, as known as social creatures from early ages, always hold celebrations in a variety of different ways. For example, Tet is an opportunity for family reunions. Besides a sense of nostalgia, we pray for a successful upcoming year, by traditional rituals such as making Chung cake, spring rolls and sticky rice, watching the firework display and giving lucky money to children. It is a particular aspect of festivals that make the celebration genuinely grand.

In sum, although people mostly enjoy themselves during festivals, I believe that they are still aware of the spiritual value of these celebrations.

302 words
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Nov 30, 2018   #2
Nguyen, when you write an extent essay, you need to pick a specific side to write about or, in instances when you have a reason to agree with both sides, at least have a more dominant side to have represented in the essay. As such, you cannot say that you both agree and disagree with the statement given. You have to word it in a manner that make the extent of your (dis)agreement clear to the reader. You should have created a more proper paraphrase by saying:

There is a growing belief that people are beginning to lose the meaning of traditional festivals. The new concept is that people use the festivals only for personal enjoyment. I partially agree with this statement for a number of reasons.

Since all opinion essays need to discuss only one major opinion, when discussing 2 opinions in an extent essay, a clear measured opinion needs to be presented. While the body of your discussion is supportive of the "partial" point of view, you did not properly frame your response in the paraphrase section so the essay did not become totally proper in terms of task accuracy. Wording is important in the essay. Be sure to deliver a clear response every time you are asked for one.

Please remember that you are supposed to use "an" when the word after it starts with a vowel. Use the proper indefinite article in order to strengthen your sentence structure. Look out for your spelling. Do not spell English words in American English when taking the British English based IELTS test. You will end up spelling the word wrong. Examples of these in essay include the word "fulfilment" which you accidentally spelled in American English.

Your paragraphs are not properly structured in the sense that you are overusing commas in every sentence, creating run-on sentences. Shorten these sentences for clarity and conciseness. Do not try to connect too many ideas in one sentence. The most proper presentation is one idea per sentence. Use 3-5 sentences per paragraph. You used only 2 sentences in your opening paragraph and only one sentence in your concluding summary. Improper formatting does not allow you to completely explain the requirements of the paragraphs. The concluding summary is incomplete and so is your opening paraphrase due to the improper content and low sentence count. This adds to the confusion while reading your essay.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - Opinion - The meaning behind traditional or religious festivals
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳