movement for the future of the planet
If we want to save the future of the planet, we will have to drastically change our way of life.
These days, every time you turn on the television or flick through the pages of a newspaper, you will witness there is a significant increase in the amount of environmental issue which is posing a serious threat to the earth. It is believed that human partly responsible for these problems. Nonetheless, we also can preserve the planet if we know how to change our lifestyle in most effective measures. I completely agree with this idea and in this essay I will support my view with examples.
Firstly, the environment of planet has been devastated seriously. It may originate in result of small harm activities such as using plastic bags or releasing CO2 which mainly cause global warming. In fact, many people do not care about the greenhouse effect, they believe that nothing will happen if they turn air conditioner which releasing a large amount of CO2. We can use electric fan rather than using air conditioner, choose recycle products. Personally, I think we should raise public awareness in order to protect the earth from waste.
Another reason why I support this opinion is that we can use renewable energy from solar, wind or water power so as to limit emissions from factories and individuals. Green resource will decrease the air pollution from fossil energy such as petroleum, coal and natural gas. In addition, green trees can absorb kinds of air pollution. So, government should encourage people plant more trees to reduce air pollution.
To sum up, although there is no doubt that our environment may reflect our behavior, we need to raise public awareness, take place of the fossil energy and grow more trees. I believe small activities could be implemented to save the earth.Watch out for your usage of relative pronouns. While these are typically helpful in making your essay appear more put together, when misused, these can significantlyharm the entirety of the content. If you are uncertain about what to use, always review your fundamental grammar. This can also help your language avoid being confusing.
For instance, I would revise your first/introductory sentence as:
Every time you turn the television on or flick through newspaper pages, you will notice a significant increase in environmental concerns posing threats to the earth.
In here, I had eliminated these pronouns (which - specifically) and moved around your phrasing to maximize the space left for the text.This particular method of packaging the wording of your essay can be quite tricky. However, once you get a hold of it, it can help your essay become as comprehensive as it possibly can be.
Watch out for your subject-verb agreements as well. Remember to be wary of instances wherein you need to change the form of the verb in order to make it proper for your essay. If you are uncertain, again consulting your fundamental grammar guides will always be helpful for you.
You had the tendency to drag your sentences, creating difficult to understand phrasings. To avoid this, I would opt that you shorten your sentences. You should be as straightforward as you possibly can be to avoid structural mistakes. If you can divide a sentence into two separate ones, then opt to do this rather than forcing too many thoughts in a single cluster.
Let's look at your second paragraph. I could have easily revised your third sentence as:
In fact, there are people who do not believe in the greenhouse effect. They do not believe that large amounts of CO2 emissions contribute from air conditioners affect the environment negatively.
By dividing the sentence into two separate points, I can relay what I want the readers to understand faster.Doing this will enable you to make an essay that is easier to digest for the readers themselves.
Try your best to avoid redundant language(ie. mentioning the same terminologies repeatedly when you could use an alternative word). This can help your essay appear more concise too.
Apply these comments to the entirety of your essay.
Depending on the application of this article, simple and clear introduction is usually welcomed in examination. You may consider to re-structure your opening in this way.
Fact and data are also useful in writing, you may consider to adopt some numbering or data to illustrate the rate of reduction of CO2. It would enhance the readership a lot.
Good way to discuss the renewable energy, and adequate example, such as solar and wind power are mentioned. Appreciate.
Cheers.
