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IELTS Writing Task 2: Opinion over providing a wide range of young people with higher education

Fiar 2 / 1  
Aug 20, 2017   #1
It is neither possible nor useful for a country to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

tertiary education importance

Furnishing young generations with tertiary education is of paramount importance in government's policies. Some people, however, believe that it is not only unfeasible but also unuseful to offer higher education to a majority of youngsters. From my perspective, this idea is completely legitimate for the following reasons.

First, it proves impossible for the government to accommodate a wide range of young people with university places in consequence of the cost for pursuing higher education. As a matter of fact, the exorbitant tuition fee acts as a deterrent against the chance to enter university of many students, particularly in underprivileged countries. For instance, appealing and prestigious as it is, Foreign Trade University in Vietnam could have never been within reach for excellent students from remote areas, has it not been for the government's subsidies. This grant, as a result, may exacerbate the financial burden on the national budget if the government desires to allocate tertiary schools to all young learners, because there are still other aspects of more significance to make investment in, like health care systems or transport infrastructure.

Second, I find it rather ineffective to equip all young people with access to university. This is because there is no guarantee that all the graduates can make contribution to the prosperity of their country in the future. In this age of job competition, pursuing further education will no longer ensure people a job after graduation, leading to an escalation in the unemployment rate, hence the burden on the national economy. Additionally, if everyone could enroll in college, it might result in the imbalances of workforce as intellectual labours could outnumber manual ones, which is apparently detrimental to the economy.

In conclusion, I believe the idea of providing the majority of young people with access to higher education is undoubtedly flawed.
Yulia Indah 4 / 6 3  
Aug 20, 2017   #2
hi .. in my view, thats amazing essay..
it might be better if you put "concession" in the third paragraph to clear your personal viewpoint then you reject it.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,033 4249  
Aug 20, 2017   #3
Pham, there are points for correction in your opening statement. First of all, you were being asked to discuss the degree of either your agreement or disagreement with the prompt. Instead, you indicated that you would be discussing the legitimacy of the statement instead. That is a totally different prompt discussion topic from what was originally provided. Additionally, when you say "for the following reasons", the punctuation mark that comes after that is a colon, not a period as the phrase indicates a listing of information is to follow beneath the present statement. Since you are not offering a continued discussion that connects with the same paragraph, you cannot use that phrase in the paragraph. Instead, you should have indicated that you were going to "discuss several reasons in the succeeding paragraphs". That would have been the more acceptable discussion method sentence representation in your essay.

The two body paragraphs offer solid reasons for your reasoning. However, since you made a mistake in the representation of the prompt requirements, you will lose a significant amount of points in the TA portion. Add to that the limited concluding discussion and your essay may not have a chance of passing the test. Always write in complete paragraphs. Do not write in 2 sentences because the GRA requirement asks you to create at least 3 simple or complex sentences within 5 completely developed and discussed paragraphs. Using only 2 sentences does not allow for such developments in the paragraph and will have a direct scoring down effect on your GRA and C&C scores.
OP Fiar 2 / 1  
Aug 26, 2017   #4
Thank you, your comment helped me a lot to better my essay particularly and my way of thinking generally.

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