notion due to the following rationales.
This does not offer clear supporting reasons for your opinion. Try to offer a summary of your discussion topics to help create a clear discussion oulline for your essay. That way, the reviewer can asses if your reasons are relevant to your opinion. 2 supporting reasons representing 2 body paragraphs will be sufficient in accomplishing this task. Excellent work on the measured response by the way.
we slowly become slaves for the internet.
LR and GRA error:
for - Preposition; with the object or purpose of
of - Preposition; used to indicate cause, motive, occasion, or reason
You are referring to the latter so :
... become slaves OF
has serious implications
Due specific C + C requirements, mention safety / physical, and mental heaeth hazards. The sentence needs a clear connecting reference for the previous discussions.
rate of crime also increases,
This reference needs supporting explanations. You presentation in this section requires increased explanations and shorter, more related examples.
You forgot toinclude your extent restatement in the summary.
be more carefu
summarize the reasons in relation to this. You are trying to present a reverse paraphrase to assist in TA scoring increase.