Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Opinion essay Social networks are damaging our personal relationships.

suada 1 / -  
Oct 31, 2021   #1
"Social networks are damaging our personal relationships. Therefore, people should not spend much of their time on these websites."

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

We live in an age when many people consider social media as an essential tool. And it is supposed that social apps can ruin our connections in real life. They suggest that we should limit our time on the networks. I somewhat disagree with this idea. Human relationships are improving successfully via social networks.

Firstly, our bond maintains easily on the Internet. Social media help us stay in touch with these people we love over far distances. With the Internet connection and smartphones or laptops, we can talk with our beloved person whatever they are overseas or a thousand yards remote. For example, students are studying abroad can sustain relationships with their parents and friends in their hometown. They may create new relations or friends in a strange foreign country on social websites. What's more, people can figure out and update the latest information of friends whereby the social network. Apparently, with their media account, you may acquire much information about those people within a click.

Next, the benefits of social connection are even explicit during the covid-19 epidemic. Communication through a screen during the quarantine is an excellent and effective method to prevent the spread of the virus. The happiness is shared with a crowd securely. For instance, several weddings were constituted online in the middle of the disease. Rituals were conducted when entire relatives gathered together on the same online network while staying at home. A holy bond was established between individuals and two families in an unconventional way.

On the other hand, excessive using social media may damage personal relationships. Addicted to social media is a popular event in modern society. These people are glued to their phones, ignoring all the life movements. There is a concept called "hikikomori" in Japan. The hikikomori person isolates themself from society. What they do is stay in a room, access the Internet, and never contact their relationship, even their parents. However, it is merely a minority. In addition, narrowing the time using social media is unrealistic. Most adults are using the network as a practical vehicle to support jobs.

In summary, these benefits of social networks seem to outweigh the drawback. Social networking sites have proven to be effective in developing human interactions.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,666 4113  
Nov 2, 2021   #2
I somewhat disagree with this idea

You cannot partially with an idea, then provide a definite reason with such strong support. The supporting idea should instead refer to the partial disagreement or, in this case, partial agreement instead. The sentence formation should reflect a partial sentiment as well.

Human relationships are improving successfully via social networks.

To create the correct response reason format say: ...are partially successful in improving... That response reflects your partial idea. The problem is, your thesis statement does not align with the provided discussion instruction.

Now, on to the reasoning paragraphs that will cause the essay to fail.

The first 2 reasons are invalid because these discuss methods of relationship bonding. The discussion is all about the amount of time spent on the websites. nobody was disagreeing with the fact that social media improves relationships. It is the amount of time people spend on the silts that they disagree about. This is only properly discussed in the 3rd paragraph. That is the only time related discussion presented.

The relevant paragraph is not properly developed and contradicts itself. These are the reasons why the writer has written a long but failing essay.

Home / Writing Feedback / Opinion essay Social networks are damaging our personal relationships.