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IELTS2- opinion type: do companies have social responsibilities?

s410377088 11 / 22 4  
Jul 31, 2019   #1
As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

service for society

It is argued that enterprises need to not only earn money but also be responsible for social contribution. I strongly agree with the idea that businesses have to do more for society than making money only.

On the one hand, companies must collect money by selling their products since the earnings are supporting thousands of people, including employees and their families. Furthermore, to account for a bigger share of the market, it is essential for them to spend a lot of money on an advertisement of service, discounts on newly-introduced items, and an expansion on their production line. For example, Nike used to sell their product only in the United States and accumulate a great amount of fortune. It was not until a bigger demand required all around the world that Nike has spent a lot increasing their factories in Asia, Europe, and Africa, making them the biggest sports companies.

On the other hand, being responsible for society may have a positive effect on enterprises. The selfless contribution to people can attract their attention, leaving a good impression on this kind of action from profitable companies. The reputation built from consumers may lead them willing to buy products and help companies to earn more for further investment on scales. According to a recent study, it is found that once a business goes through volunteer service to the neighborhood, the profit will increase by about 20%.

In conclusion, I believe that besides maximizing profits, companies have to service for society's good.
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Jul 31, 2019   #2
Hi there. I hope you're doing good! I'll be giving you writing feedback on this work. If you have more inquiries, don't hesitate to approach us for the input.

While I appreciate the straightforward and clean writing technique you had implemented in the first parts of the text, I would recommend looking into utilizing pauses and punctuation a lot more to assist you in writing. For instance, there should have been a comma before the but in the first sentence. Be cautious of these small mistakes.

I appreciate your usage of bold examples to back your thoughts. Keep this up!

Aside from this, I suggest adding more into the concluding remarks. It appears to be an unfinished paragraph because of the lack of opening and closing thesis statements that are usually sought after in the text.

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