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IELTS ; My opinion on using fertilizer and machinery for producing food


Nancy Quan 3 / 5 2  
May 18, 2013   #1
Food can be produced cheaper if we use improved fertilizers and better machinery. However, some of methods may be dangerous for human health and have negative effects for local communities. What is your opinion?

As the rapid development of science and technology, people around the world are more likely to get less expensive food thanks to the advanced fertilizers and machinery. In the meantime, however, the use of high-tech gives rise to a range of detrimental impacts on both the people and the society. As far as I am concerned, the negative effects of food production tend to outweigh its beneficial ones.

On the one hand, it is admitted that human beings are enjoying the boons brought by modern food production because it is the improved farming method that contributes to lower costs and higher production. Due to the growing population across the globe, a large number of scientists are focusing on the scientific research and studies concerning the means to enhance the production of farmland, and the achievements indeed satisfy the needed people in famine partially.

On the other hand, however, some undesirable influences cannot be ignored. To begin with, fertilizers utilized the farming process trigger the major concern in respect with human health. It has been proved by numerable studies that the chemical substances are unlikely to be washed away; therefore, it is inevitable for us to eat them along with enjoying the vegetables and fruit. Furthermore, mechanized treatment process may result in excessive dispose of grains and cereals and reduce the nutritious elements, which is the reason why people nowadays are more keen on wholegrain foods. The third adverse impact is the disastrous ruin on the environment. Overuse of fertilizers and pesticide is quite likely to lessen the activity of soil and diversity of creatures in the area. Consequently, the land may not be suitable for farming in the short future and become the hell for animals and plants to grow on.

In conclusion, the cons of using fertilizers and machinery in modern farming seem to overweight the pros. Therefore, it is highly recommended that the volume of fertilizers should be used under strict control and all advanced machines are used in a more sensible way, so that we do not have to worry about the safety of food taken in and the community will become more harmonious and peace.

This essay is written by myself to prepare for the IELTS exam. PLZ give me some comments and suggestions! Thanks!
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
May 19, 2013   #2
As the rapid development of science and technology, people around the world are more likely to get less expensive food thanks to the advanced fertilizers and machinery.

.... Good idea....however, technology is related with machine and fertilizer. So they should be better connected;
With advancement of science and technology, variety of fertilizer and machinery are being heavily used in modern food production in order to lower the production cost.

In the meantime, however, the use of high-tech gives rise to a range of detrimental impacts on both the people and the society.

... I think it should be "health of people" and "negative effects on environment"

On the one hand
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
May 19, 2013   #3
numerable studies

.... better say "many studies"

therefore, it is inevitable for us to eat them along with enjoying the vegetables and fruit.

therefore, it is inevitable that we consume these harmful substances together with vegetables and fruits that we consume.[/i]

and reduce the nutritious elements

[i]and will have a low nutrient value in them.


In conclusion, the cons of using fertilizers and machinery in modern farming seem to overweightover-weigh the pros

.... the verb is over-weigh while the noun is overweight... Here you use this word as a verb.
OP Nancy Quan 3 / 5 2  
May 19, 2013   #4
dumi
Thanks so much!!!


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