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IELTS 2 : opinions about children contribution in working experiences


ichatea07 27 / 24 10  
Feb 20, 2016   #1
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In these ages and days, a great number of countries in the world permit children to be employed in paid jobs. Whilst this engagement is believed potential to reduce children's interests to pursue educational background, I would argue that this opportunity could train more children's skill with its experiences to be more efficient in careers.

It is mainly believed that child labour is a wrong way to treat children because it can lower their chances to enroll education up to universities. Education aspect has a serious focus to be undertaken such as it requires a certain degree of time to enter lectures, do assignments, and discuss topics with friends. This argument is supported by a study in China that 1,300 people lost opportunities to join formal education as they no longer have intention to do it, and the regulation of schools have banned them due to the applicants' ages. However, allowing children to get jobs at young ages will enable them to have better performances at work as they learn to work earlier compared with graduates of a university.

By contrast, positive responses from public regarding working children issue bring one inevitable reason in which they admit that children will obtain work experiences more greatly than workers who spent time to study ahead before joining a company. That kind of experiences proves their abilities in showing professionality and skilful teamwork building. For instance, since the later adults from laboured children have learned how to operate knitting machines or packaging in a manufacturer from several years before, this makes them used to do that workload, and then the products they work on will be finished in seconds. Therefore, I believe that having worthy job experiences is encouraged as it increase future employees' skills and readiness to get into working life.

In essence, even though children will possibly witness decreased motivation to continue study and it comes to be unjustified, participating in actual job matters is precious enough to be obtained for its results in accelerating their preparation to face workplace and job-related duties. Hence, a careful consideration should be undertaken by any stakeholders which can determine new generations' level of chances to take apart in occupation even in young ages.

putri22 33 / 33 5  
Feb 20, 2016   #2
hi icha, i would say that in general your writing is good. you answer the task correctly but let me give you suggestion to make it better.

i think the last sentence in the first body is not needed since it makes the paragraph to become not coherence. it would be perfect if the last sentence is deleted or you can move it to the second body because the sentence is the advantage of being the working children.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Feb 20, 2016   #3
HI Anisa, I hope to help you on your essay. Kindly find my corrections focused on the first 2 paragraphs of your essay.

1st paragraph
- In these ages and daysday and age ,
- employed inwith paid jobs.
- train more children's skill with its experiences
- to be more efficient in their chosen careers.

2nd paragraph
- to enroll education upacquire admission to universities.
- a young ages will enable them
- to have better performances at work as they
- learn to work earlier compared withto graduates of a university.

There you have it Anisa, I hope I was able to help you out in enhancing your essay.
I believe if you follow through so you will be able to practice editing your own essay, this
way you will see the difference of the essay yourself.


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