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IELTS Writing Task 2: Opinions of the Constructing New or Existing Transportation

ying_chen 3 / 5  
Feb 16, 2018   #1

public transport optimization

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Other believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Regarding the discussion of the money should be spent on establishing the new high speed rail train or making the existing public transport better, there are few pros and cons on the both sides. From my point of view, I support to build the new train system.

Following the growing population and globalizing world, the transportation plays a significant role to address the trend. The new high speed rail system is the key way to solve the increasing demand, as well as to improve the existing shortage of current transportation.

For instance, in my hometown Taiwan, we did have various transports, like train, buses and MRT and so on. After we constructed the high speed rail train, it provides one more supply of transports and helps the different group of travellers, businessmen and citizens to have more choices and save more times.

In conclusion, it is necessary to keep optimize the existing public transport which I believe is a long term plan. However, the fastest and the most efficient way is to construct the high speed rail train beforehand.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,149 2303  
Feb 17, 2018   #2
Ying, you only wrote 179 words in an essay that requires a minimum of 250 words. By not writing the required minimum number of words, you will automatically fail the test. You cannot be accurately judged on the scoring tasks because you have not written enough in the essay to allow the examiner to review your actual English skills in the 4 categories for scoring. All of your paragraphs are composed of only 2 sentences when the minimum requirement is 3 with a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph. From the way I read your existing essay, none of the paragraphs are amply developed and as such, do not completely present a proper opinion or train of thought. You also failed to discuss the essay in the required manner which is a discussion of each point of view as presented in the original prompt and then a discussion of your personal point of view towards the end of the essay. The 2 points of view plus your opinion should have been discussed in the 3 body paragraphs which would have helped to create the expected 5 paragraph format for this essay. Therefore, this essay cannot pass the test. Since you are already here at the forum, I suggest that you read similar discussions regarding this prompt requirement so that you can get a better idea as to how to present this discussion and also learn from the mistakes of others.
OP ying_chen 3 / 5  
Feb 18, 2018   #3
Thank you for your detail explanation and point out the mistakes I made. I'll improve all the above you mentioned and refer more articles from this forum. Much appreciated!

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