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'Opportunities to go out in a quiet town' - TOEFL

eradulova 7 / 14  
Feb 12, 2012   #1
If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and examples to support your answer.

I live in a small and quiet town near a big river. Nature all around is beautiful and not polluted, just because we do not have many factories and facilities that provide pollution. It is a peaceful and kind of boring place in some way, because there is not much to do for fun. Any way, it is better to live in an environment with less pollution than to live in a big noisy city with a dusty street full of car.

The important ting I wish to change in my little town is something that could amuse people.
Young need place to gather and have fun or play some game, just to socialize. There is a school and a library, but that is not enough at all for the new generation. I would like to have some more sport facilities, like a swimming pool or a basketball playground. All that places could be used for competition, which any way brings people fun. Cinema is another good opportunity for people to go out and have a fun. In a small town like mine that will provide and show native many different stories for a foreign country and culture, which for sure is interesting. On the other hand it is an appropriate place for young to meet each other, nevertheless if there is some nice club or restaurant near the cinema. That will bring people together and make them more satisfied and happy.

I believe that is not so difficult to do, even more you are young and want to make a change for good reason. I love the place I live in and I do not want to go away because of boredom. All I wish for me and everyone living in my town is just to have more fun in a little quiet place like our.
Killdadevil 1 / 3  
Feb 12, 2012   #2
boring place in some way, because there is not much to do for fun"- you don't need a comma before "because"

- you could work on your first sentence, for example :"I live in a beautiful quite town surrounded by trees, animals, and a river so clean that I can go fishing for food." be more descriptive, show not tell.

-"Young need place to gather and have fun or play some game, just to socialize." what do you mean by the young? also, you should start your paragraph with a transition word.

-"Cinema is another good opportunity " use another word.
goku123 8 / 16  
Feb 13, 2012   #3
In terms of the configuration of this essay, I think it is not enough to only have 3 paragraph in this test.

it is better to have At least 4 paragraphs,while 5 would be the best choice.

Some people say that the more words you type, the higher score you get.

GO for it!

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