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IELTS: 'opportunity to be healthier physically and mentally' - Children are given too much free time


Saadhin 1 / -  
Aug 19, 2014   #1
Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time?

No one can deny the fact that childhood is the most important part of life. It is considered that, children would get more leisure hour than they need and school work would be more beneficial for them. However, from my point of view effective utilization of that period could help them to develop their mental and physical strength. I will express how the children can enjoy and benefit at the same time.

Sports and hobbies are the most interesting activities that children can do. Playing football, cricket, tennis or badminton makes the kid refresh and make him more healthy. Because he training and tuning his muscles by making some physical movements. In addition, drawing, reading or even watching television are good for mental health. These activities are improving the imagination of the students and make them more creative. And this will help them in their studying.

On the other hand, children can spend their free time to learn something different, which help them to develop their morality and self-confidence. They can contribute to social service and they can learn to take care of older and poor people. These works make them charge the responsibility. Another important activities are camping and ecotourism. In camping, children can learn to deal with rough life and difficult situations, they also learn how to be independence. And in ecotourism, they can learn more about environment and the history of some places. They could learn what is their role toward the environment.

According to above discussion it can be concluded that, free time is not only a great opportunity for children to be healthier physically and mentally, it also helps them to learn social and environmental skills.

fikri 5 / 317 71  
Aug 19, 2014   #2
I suggest to you to give suggestion in the end of your conclusion, it seems better
dumi 1 / 6,931 1592  
Aug 19, 2014   #3
It is considered that (no comma) children would get more leisure hourtime than they need and school work would be more beneficial for them.

It is considered that, children would get more leisure hour than they need and school work would be more beneficial for them.

You need to improve presentation of this idea, also it is only one section of people hold this view;
Some people, however, believe that children enjoy too much free time than what they really require and this time should be utilized for occupying them with school work.

Sports and hobbies are the most interesting activities that children can do.engage in.
Anouar 12 / 35  
Aug 23, 2014   #4
I think you need more analysis to strongly support your idea
As for Grammar it's quite good


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