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[IELTS] We should opt for customary music rather than worldwide one

SalMon 27 / 113 10  
Jun 18, 2014   #1
Experts :) Hope you guys can review my essays and rate (if possible) :D

Topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?


Along with other human's inventions, music was born quite early yet still survives untill this day and age. From simple sounds created by human using daily tools and their voice, music has developed into a myriad of kinds nowadays, which fall for two categories: traditional music and international music. This essay will come clean about the importance of general music, followed by explanations for a greater role of classical music compared to the other one.

To begin, music serves as means of entertainment and education. Apparently, when people confront ups and downs in their life, music is always a loyal companion to soothe our feelings, to share mistress and sorrow or to multiply blissful happiness. In other words, music is unrivalled when it comes to enriching our spiritual life. From the academic perspective, consisted of words and rythme, music helps people learn languages more rapidly with relxation. According to many researchs, if children are exposed to music, especially classical one, their IQ and EQ will increase significantly which mark music as an indirect tool of education.

In terms of music, traditional songs have always been of greater importance than international ones. Most classical composers went to great length to tell the audiences about either our glorious pasts or the national cultures. Meanwhile, sons written to entertain global people are often full of ear-catching but meaningless words. For instance, hardly do any national songs not teach us about altruism, bravery and compatriotism, while most market songs such as K-pop ones, for instance the "Gentle man", only shows how to be a bad man (?!)

To conclude, music plays an indispensable role in our life as an emotional and witty friend from whom we can learn and put ourselves at ease. However, we should opt for customary music rather than worldwide one due to the meaningful lessons it conveys.
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jun 18, 2014   #2
you wrote well, this is still rare in writing ielts essay, most of writers just give short examples, but you made more specific example, hope it can be followed by other learners
OP SalMon 27 / 113 10  
Jun 18, 2014   #3
wow really thank you :) I was so afraid when I first read the prompt :) You encouraged me a lot :)
MiaCuthbert 7 / 25 2  
Jun 21, 2014   #4
I think my teacher will give your essay band 9 :) I mean your essay has resemblance to his writing style: simple, 4 paragraphs, good vacabulary :)
OP SalMon 27 / 113 10  
Jun 21, 2014   #5
oh why don't you submit it to your teacher and tell her to rate for me :) It would be good :)
MiaCuthbert 7 / 25 2  
Jun 21, 2014   #6
salMon, oh I'm so sorry because i'm not his student anymore, plus he is in Manchester, UK right now :( but I'm sure that your essay is beyond perfect :)
OP SalMon 27 / 113 10  
Jun 22, 2014   #7
thanks :) I will try to keep up my work :)

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