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Optimistic people who have more opportunities to make positive changes to the world

bellapham 1 / 1 1  
Mar 17, 2020   #1

The optimism level in the world today

Subject: Many people are optimistic about the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with their optimism? What changes would you like to see in the new century ?

Recent years have seen intense debates on optimism in worldwide. In 21st century, most people is becoming optimistic who have more opportunities and modify in not only their own life but also the society around them. In my own perspective, I completely agree with their optimism.

There are many crucial factors which impact on modified life. In fact, good mental health is the key to people's well-being. In term of emotion, when people can reveal everything inside who could feel better due to understanding, maintaining good mind-set can help people to have the positive thinking whenever having trouble such as in career. Besides that, taking pleasure in mind somehow brings more opportunities and professional growth. Instead of giving up because of problems, it brings lots of experiences for optimism, when people think that everything will be fine, at that time, it is true that they are modifying their life. Let's take something as a typical example an employer get both the positive and negative feedback from manager in working, who thinks about the merits more than the drawbacks to get the experiences. Thus, it is an ideal consideration to have the positive chances as a factor of keeping good mental health.

In regard to world change, most people have the positive outlook in new era, it brings many benefits between people and people and reduces the competition with rival. Having the good quality of living and working, people reduce the negative outlook who would have the better emotion that it effects on career, communication and relationship. The best mental health is indispensable in life, people are able to work with full of energy by its. Due to developing city, people's awareness is essential to make positive changes to the world. Imagine if between people and people always think about the adverse way and live in the always nervious think, they would never get the opportunities from society.

In conclusion, people should be optimistic to have more opportunities and make positive changes to the world. Always maintain mental heath and positive outlook are the main factors for them in new century.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,157 2307  
Mar 18, 2020   #2
The first 2 sentences in your prompt paraphrase are really difficult to understand. It isn't a very good re-framing of the original discussion. You need to work on the clarity of your sentence presentations. The subject of the sentence is really unclear. I can't even figure out what the cause-effect reference actually is. Good work on the direct response to the question though. Although, you forgot to tell the reader what changes you would like to see in the new century.

The prompt paraphrase servers as the outline of the discussion paragraphs. It is a guide for the reader to follow and refer to when reading your body of paragraphs. Your explanations should be clear and the discussion pattern will presented for the reader's consideration. At the moment, that paragraph is difficult to understand and incomplete in its response presentation.

Try your best not to use overstatement references in your essay. Examiners would rather not read those types of misleading references in the essays. Instead of "intense debates" which connotes something negative, while the discussion is more on a positive note, you should consider more positive references such as "hopeful discussions" or "optimistic outlooks" or something similar. Nothing inflammatory.

Your reasoning paragraphs, though 3 in count, do not cover the correct the discussion topics based on the original prompt requirements. These discussion topics are:
- An explanation of your opinion (extent of dis/agreement)
- 21st century change 1
- 21st century change 2

The total will be 3 discussion body presentations for a total of 5 paragraphs. Your essay doesn't really follow the required format for the discussion so you will have points reduced in the TA score for that. You have one spelling error (nervios = nervous), word choice problems (heath - health), and subject-verb problems (most people is - most people are; based on singular - plural references). You also use contractions (let's - let us), which should be avoided in these academic presentation papers.

There are other grammar errors in your essay but these are the more noticeable ones that I want to deal with. Please take note and adjust your writing style based on the suggestions in the next essay.

By the way, you wrote more words than you would actually write within 40 minutes at the testing center. Aim for only 275-290 words that present a clear explanation in every sentence and paragraph. Right now, your essay, though very long, has a problem with clarity and conciseness, which will lead to extra scoring deductions in your final score.

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