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IELTS Essay - The option to work or study from home is advantage or disadvantage


msarkar 8 / 15  
May 18, 2014   #1
Hi All,

Can you please review my essay for IELTS?

Topic - In some countries, with the widespread use of the internet, people are able to work or study from home, instead of having to travel to work or college. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Discuss and state your own opinion.

Undoubtedly this is an era of internet which impacts one's personal as well as professional life. The effect is seen more on the developed countries where people choose to work or study from home instead of going to office or university. Some consider this approach to be an advantage while others reject this as a disadvantage. Both the points of views will be discussed in order.

On the one hand, the benefit that professionals or students get by connecting from home is enormous. For one, it helps working people to maintain work life balance. The best example is the new mother who can join her work as well as take care of her baby. People also get the desired flexibility in terms of working hours. For students too, studying from home is an attractive option. They save the travelling time to Universities and utilize that time on their studies. In a busy city like Tokyo, students waste a lot of time in travelling. Thus, the advantages that people enjoy by working or studying from home, are obvious.

On the other hand, one part of the society, has doubt over the productivity of people who prefers to work or study from home. Many employers argue that once an employee works from isolation, he or she spends a lot of time in communication via phone or email with colleagues. This harms an employee's deliverable. Teachers think that students get affected too as they can not clear their doubts in study topics instantly. Due to this they lag in their studies. These factors affect people who work or study from home.

Following both the point of views, the option of working or studying from home is thought to provide more benefits than drawbacks. It is hoped that people will continue to use internet to work or study and improve on the disadvantages into the foreseeable future.

xomarleal 2 / 3  
May 18, 2014   #2
In the first paragraph:

Some consider this approach ---> some people consider this approach.
Both the points of views will be discussed in order.

Second:

Thus, the advantages that people enjoy by working or studying from home, are obvious.

Third:
Teachers think that students get affected too as they can notcannot clear their doubts in study topics instantly. Due to this they lag in their studies.

Fourth:
I do not see any mistake..

I hope this feedback help you! Could you take a look to my essay?
dumi 1 / 6,929 1592  
May 19, 2014   #3
For one, it helps working people to maintain work life balance.The best example is the new mother who can join her work as well as take care of her baby.

It helps working people to maintain a proper balance between work and family life. For example, a working mother can takea better care of her baby and work both if she works from home

On the one hand, the benefit that professionals or students get by connecting from home is enormous. For one, it helps working people to maintain work life balance. The best example is the new mother who can join her work as well as take care of her baby. People also get the desired flexibility in terms of working hours. For students too, studying from home is an attractive option. They save the travelling time to Universities and utilize that time on their studies. In a busy city like Tokyo, students waste a lot of time in travelling. Thus, the advantages that people enjoy by working or studying from home, are obvious.

I suggest you to have one reason per para together with a specific example to support the reason.
OP msarkar 8 / 15  
May 19, 2014   #4
Thanks dumi for the feedback.

Do you want me to write one reason for student and another for working in a single paragraph? I could not come up with a common reason that is applicable for both.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
May 19, 2014   #5
On the one hand, the benefit that professionals or students get by connecting from home is enormous. For one,First, it helps working people to maintain work lifea proper balance betwen work and family life. The best example is the newa mother with a newly born baby . whoShe can joindo her work as well as take care of her baby.
leoking 7 / 24 1  
May 24, 2014   #6
pay your attention to your conclusion
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
May 25, 2014   #7
Discuss and state your own opinion.

Even your prompt is open for discussion, there is no harm you stating your own opinion in the introduction itself. It is nicer when you conclude the intro with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Following both the point of views, the option of working or studying from home is thought to provide more benefits than drawbacks. It is hoped that people will continue to use internet to work or study and improve on the disadvantages into the foreseeable future.

It is nicer if you could construct the concluding paragraph with this pattern below:
1. a 'conclusion' signal: In conclusion, ....etc,
2. a summary of the main points or a restatement of the thesis (in different words!)
3. a final comment, based on the information in the essay
The final comment can be:
3.1. a warning or prediction (often using the first conditional: If ..., ... will ...)
3.2. a suggestion or recommendation (often using should or must)


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