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writing Task 1: Oregon Population in three counties

agus_mono 13 / 23 2  
Mar 30, 2017   #1
The graph below shows the population change between 1940 and 2000in three different counties in the U.S state Oregon.

Oregon Population During Different Periods

The line chart exhibits the information about the number of population in three parts of Oregon which showed every 30 years starting from 1940 to 2000. At the first glance, Washington is the most crowded county whose population increase sharply during a 60-year period. However, the less favorite part for living in Oregon was Colombia.

At the beginning of year, the Oregon preferred to live in Washington. Its population was twice as much as Colombia and Yamhill. This trend was continuing during the period and the gap between Washington and Yamhill became bigger and bigger. It is because the Washington population was rocket sharply.

A more detail looked to the chart reveals that Colombia and Yamhill have under a third of Oregon population. They increased slowly to almost 90 thousand, but Yamhill slightly above Colombia. Furthermore, in 1940-to-1970 period, Colombia and Yamhill witnessed slower increase then 1970-to-2000 period. And it can be seen that Yamhill more favorite to stay than Colombia.

sakimminji1004 3 / 7  
Mar 30, 2017   #2

A few changes you can make are:
At a first glance, Washington is the most crowded county whose population increased sharply during a 60-year period.
The less favorable region of living was Colombia.

Due to the sharp increase of population in Washington, there was a continuously widening gap between Washington and Yamhill.

Other than that it looks great!

Please give feedback to my essays as well thanks!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,696 3502  
Mar 31, 2017   #3
Agus, you cannot score higher than a 4 with this essay because of a number of reasons. The first, is that the essay does not accurately use the information in the graph that you were provided. When you write a summary essay, specially one based on factual data, you must always use the numbers provided. That means, the year, the values, and any other comparison data that you analyzed in the chart. Without these information, the essay, such as the one that you wrote does not inform the reader of anything important. It becomes almost hearsay in approach and makes the words that you write worthless. If it cannot educate the reader, then the essay is not useful to them. This essay is meant to inform, you work did not do that. Also, please familiarize yourself with the states / provinces of the United States. Oregon and Washington are locations of the states, therefore the location of Oregon cannot move to the location of Washington. However, the people who reside in these states can move from one state to another. Next time, explain that the people from Oregon are the ones moving to Washington. Not Oregon moving to Washington. That will never happen.

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