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The organizational behavior in the Army - help with thesis statement


monifah 1 / -  
Sep 8, 2007   #1
My term paper is on the organizational behavior in the Army. This is the thesis statement that I created.

Unlike other organizations, the Army relies on values to guide their thinking, and professional ethics of each soldier to support and sustain them. With this the Army Ethic relies on"bedrock" of seven values: Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage. It is this unique collection of ethics that make the organizational behavior of the Army unlike any other. The priorities they set, the efficiencies they gain along with the continuous improvement enable them to maintain high standards regardless of its mission area.

EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Sep 8, 2007   #2
Greetings!

I think you've crafted a very good thesis statement! I have just a few small editing suggestions:

Unlike other organizations, the Army relies on values to guide their thinking, and the professional ethics of each soldier to support and sustain them. With this, the Army Ethic relies on a "bedrock" of seven values: Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage. It is this unique collection of ethics that makes the organizational behavior of the Army unlike any other. The priorities they set, the efficiencies they gain and their goal of continuous improvement enable them to maintain high standards regardless of their mission area.

The "goal of" part is optional, but it seemed proper to me. I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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