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Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. It is a positive or negative

baoooooo 1 / 1  
Nov 3, 2018   #1
Hi everyone , this is my first time I post in this community and also my first writing taks 2 for the ielt test . I am very appreciated if guys can support for me to correct my any mistakes in this .

TOPIC : Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular . It is a positive or negative development the local people and the environment ?

the popularity of trips to distant destinations

In the present days , package-tours is created visiting to many distant destinations or mountainous areas , which increasingly was catching on . In spite of this development is beneficial economy in the local residents but still have many potential impacts on others side instead .

First of all , I strongly support that the benefits is hugely bring to resident by creating employments and job markets to increase the stable income for majority of local residents . Beside , the visitors from the organized tour especially from foreign countries who help to open opportunities to learn many foreign languages or cultures supporting to open the knowledges or more easily earn money leading to little by little boost the living standard for those area .

But in the other hand , having many building or infrastructure for travelling purposes can be lead to some of the detriments , which is damaged to local species and loss of habitat . Also , just minority of hordes of tourist have some of bad awareness of protecting the nature can extremely exert influence on the environment . And with the bad behaviours from them can lead to some serious traffickings or even to accidents .

In sum , although the advantages from organized tour to remote destinations could bring about , it is more likely to bring up many bad impacts on the local people and the environment .

nellawatyahmad26 3 / 3 1  
Nov 4, 2018   #2
In spite of this, development = pay attention to the punctuation

the detriments , which is damaged to ... = it can be erased to make it short sentence

But in on the other hand

... the environment . And with the bad ... = 'And' can not stand after the point, this is simple sentence, so directly to make like this ''Also , just minority (...) the environment and with the bad ...
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,853 2637  
Nov 4, 2018   #3
Bao, your opening paraphrase does not make any sense. Please remember that the essay is speaking in terms of the present hence your time reference should also be in the present. terms such as "...increasingly was catching on" should be written as "increasingly catching on." with the -ing part signifying that this practice is still ongoing. Additionally, the paraphrase is faulty because you are being asked if this is a positive or negative development and rather than saying "positive" or "negative" you claim "potential impacts" instead. Which does not respond to the question in the original prompt.

Your reasoning paragraphs are incorrect as well because this is a single opinion, not a comparison essay. That is evidenced by the "OR" selection for the positive or negative effects of the given discussion. As such, you have failed to properly discuss the given discussion based on the required presentation coming from the instructions.

Therefore, aside from the problematic grammar presentation, there is also an English comprehension problem involved. You need to brush up on your English comprehension lessons so you can develop your ability to understand English sentences better. Try reading English based comic books that have the comic panels showing the reader exactly what the dialogue in the instruction is showing. That is one way of better understanding the English sentences in reference to action statements. Action statements in the Task 2 essay can be interpreted as the discussion instruction so you should be able to develop your understanding of the English instructions using that method of reading practice.
OP baoooooo 1 / 1  
Nov 5, 2018   #4
thank you so muchhhhh from your contribution

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