Original writing (ą 25 minutes): Bulgarian expatriates' education levels

The bar chart compares the level of educations of Bulgarianwho were to go abroad in 2002, 2006 and 2008. The data covers three different subjects which are higher education, secondary education and primary and lower education. Overall, it can be seen that most of Bulgarian people's latest education was secondary education in all three years. Only few of them wanted to go overseas with higher or lower (primary) education level.

A huge number of Bulgarians with secondary education level decided to leave bulgaria. The data shows that although this group had a downward trend, the percentage did not experienced a remarkable plunge. In 2002, 65% of Bulgarians with secondary education level planned to leave their original countries.This number gradually decreased until 2008, but the proportion still take part more than a half of the total number.

On the other hand, only a few Bulgarian inhabitants who want to go abroad had primary education or higher education as their latest education levels. Although primary and lower education group witnessed an upward trend, the percentage remained below 50%, with the highest i 2008 (32%). Higher education reached a peak at 20% in 2006, but fell again to 9% in 2008.

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Hi Shinta, first of all, I hope you don't mind me addressing you in your second bame, it just remind me of an Indonesian friend who is very dear to me.

Moving on, I love the fact that you posted the graph in the essay, most essays don't have them. Now, what I notice as well in your essay is the choice of words that you used in your, some are missing an 's' and some are missing, the form of some words needs to be taken into consideration too, make sure that when your analysis is done in a present tense, regardless of the time the data is taken, the verb form should take the present tense.

When you do the revision keep your numbers and symbols in a uniform approach, this means you can keep the same form that you have written in the original essay.

I hope this helps!

It would be better if you write the paragraph like this:
The bar chart compares the level of educations of Bulgarian in abroad in 2002, 2006 and 2008. The data cover three different subjects which are higher education, secondary education and primary and lower education. Overall, it can be seen that most of Bulgarian's latest education was secondary education at all three years. Only did a few of them who were on higher or lower (primary) education level want to go to overseas .