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'Oslo, Norway' - creative writing: write about someone important to you


nchowder 1 / 2  
Mar 14, 2012   #1
PLEASE HELP ME TO IMPROVE IT AS I ONLY GOT 9/15 IN MY CREATIVE WRITING. I WAS AIMING TO GET 12 OR 13, PLEASE IF POSSIBLE SEND ME YOUR VERSION OF IMPROVEMENTS OR TIPS. I FIND IT EXTREMELY HARD TO BE CREATIVE. IM ONLY GOOD AT ANALYSIS. THANK!

Oslo, Norway. It's the middle of the day, snow surrounding every path and not a flower in sight. My mother adored spring, summer the most, there was a time she remembered - but vaguely - placed on the balcony, feet dangling in the air. Feeling a soft breeze running just gently through her black curly locks, not being allowed out to play with her friends instructed by a strict father was heartbreaking, but even so the sun sweetly hugging her cheeks and this moment here was to be treasured. What I like most about my mother is her constant attitude of making the best of a situation even the times she was deprived of a childhood a smile would always somewhere appear. My mother as a young girl, watching people hustle by through the busy bazaars, children squealing with joy she too innocent to see the bad in people. However that time had passed and she now lived here, a cold place full of very rare enjoyable memories. Though the Muslim girl saw everything positively, she was far too naive towards reality,and at the tender age of 16 said yes to a question that truly changed the path to a life that could have been, not knowng all her hopes and dreams would be lost, the sweet virtuous girl was to say yes to marry him. From this point she would be brokenn to pieces; lose all hope and even slightly lose that side of happiness in a life not made for her. But, no matter what, she stood strong her entire life and this truly makes her the most important person to me in my life.

It would only be fair to say a lot of things happened in my mother's life that blemished who she was but only some of those memories had an impact. What makes her so important to me is not only because she is my mother but she is a person who is an inspiration. This day was a day my mother stood up to my father after many years of just accepting the way things were going to be but not anymore. After hours of continuous arguing knowing what was happening wasn't right the door was shown to my father of course not without a fight. As the leant against the door letting out a worthwhile sigh my mother knew at the back of her mind it wasn't the last of it yet but just for those seconds she was free and I saw the slightest joy in my mother's eyes. Joy I longed to see in a women that deserved it every day. But that day: courage, strength and determination oozed from her, these qualities were gratefully passed down to me that help me see life in a better light, and for that I am truly gratful.

The strength my mother shows -along with her warmth and care- truly makes her someone I intend never to lose! A time which I first saw her cry was of course not a great moment, but not for one second did I assume she was weak in fact I was purely reminded we're all human. It was summer around 5 years ago, just the right temperature I remember telling my sister. My little brother at the time was around 3, he may have been just a child but he was fully able to pretty much understand a lot of the things going on around him; if not he surely felt the tension. SLAM. The door car tremled as if a volcano erupted; the shock of the sound chilled me to my bones. it was as if I had entered the freezing North Pole for a second but left with a gut feeling that I'll unfortunately remember forever. In the ray of panic she hurried in the house in immense shock, blood pouring from her nose. Something even a child of my age shouldn't have seen. Her long cotton scarf being used as a towel as an attempt to stop the overflow, in the kitchen she went slamming the door shut in a way protecting our sights of her pain. I sat on the stairs pondering on what had happened, not knowing any reason on this earth why my mother was bleeding and why the only look on her face was hopelessness. At this point she seemed destroyed, anything just anything I would have done to make the hurt go away. That day my mother did not win but in my eyes I knew she hadn't lost yet.

My mother, full of pride like a lion was always a stong, determined individual. With her ability to keep everything together she is completely flawless in my eyes, not only do i feed off her devotions and prudence but i am in a presistent feel of security and pure guidance as any mother provides. I would think this is the definition of special. Wouldnt you? Her amazing conduct of ensuring everything is at a certain level of harmony that of even possible considering the aspects of the situation she lives through everyday undoubtedly makes my mother to me the most important person i could have known of. There are no mountains too high she is unable to climb. To me she is a true inspiration.

darthpotato94 1 / 1  
Mar 15, 2012   #2
I liked it, although I didn't feel that there is a distinct voice in your writing.


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