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The overpopulation leads many serious problems

vothiha 11 / 29  
Jan 5, 2010   #1
Task: Decribe some problems of the overpopulation that causes and suggest at least one possible sollution

The overpopulation leads many serious problems, especially in the developing countries. In this short essay, we will verify problems relating to the health and the environment.

Firstly, the overpopulation may threaten people's health state. We can see easily that a nation with the crowded population is hard to maintain a health care system that can take care well all people. Furthermore, the low income of each large family isn't enough to affort a nutritious diet and treat diseasse when they are acquired. Also, the environmental pollution makes people vulnerable to get illness, the most popular diseases are cancer and infective diseases.

Another remarkable problem is negative impacts on the environment. A heavy burden of the overpopulation forces countries to speed up the expoitation of natural resources that causes the exhaustion and the unbalance of the nature. Many terrible disasters that we have been suffered from are results of the humandkind's activities.

I think a possible sollution to solve these problems is using rational policies in order to limit the birth rate. For example, the policy assigns the limited number of children a family is allowed to have. This policy has been applied in Vietnam and has gained the promising results.

Please check my essay for me! Thanks all staff so much!
yin 12 / 38  
Jan 5, 2010   #2
Dear friend,
I just focus on some of your specific mistakes on grammar and spelling.
In general, you should pay attention to the way you use "the", relative clause with "which", order of a normal verb and its adverbs.

About the structure of the essay, in my own view, your introduction is quite simple and lacks attraction. Plus, I think you should keep using "secondly" ... rather than "Another remarkable problem is" because you have used "firstly" before. In addition, the way you mention some possible solutions is rather direct and simple "I think a possible...". You should invest more in this.

I just have some ideas. Hope it helps.
Seong 3 / 3  
Jan 6, 2010   #3
You wrote very well, but I think you should get more information about overpopulation which can cause enviornment such as globalwarming, the lack of energy and necessary of facilities etc.

When you write essay, you should not use abbreviation. Besides, do not mention example if you are not sure.
These are my suggestion I can give you.

you will be better and try continously because I am not good at writing but I try
writing everyday.
OP vothiha 11 / 29  
Jan 7, 2010   #4
Thanks you for helpful comments. I wil continue to write and share them to you. Your advice and encouragement gives me more motivation to improve myseft more.

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