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[IELTS] Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem.


Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

Causes and solutions for overpopulation issue



Major cities, across the globe, are facing overpopulation issue. This is mainly because of migration, however, several actions could be taken to tackle this problem.

There are three main causes related to overcrowding problem in urban cities. Firstly, people from rural areas suffered fewer job opportunities or low-paid work which forced them to migrate for a better life. Secondly, educational institutions are not as good as in major cities where offering a wider range of curriculum with varieties of experienced teachers, which attracted a lot of parents to migrate for their children future. Finally, secured and convenient lifestyle, such as access to better health care centers or supermarkets or police stations, has given the reason for many people to move to the major cities from the countryside.

One way to solve this phenomenon is the governments should encourage businesses to invest and develop in regional areas by implementing an incentive program for reaching certain progress. As a result, it would bring more jobs and stores to its regions so people do not need to leave their home.

Another solution is reinforcing the locals infrastructure. In other words, the governments should focus on building more schools, medical facilities, and transportation. By doing this, it would be convenient for its residents to travel as well as attract more people come and work, promising a better education for the parents' children.

In conclusion, the governments could implement different policies to change its current overpopulation issue by establishing more facilities and other infrastructures which, hopefully, would reduce the overcrowded stress in major cities around the world.

Word: 259

Thank you!

CJ

Oct 12, 2017   #2
Hi SG, listen you have a problem with your opening paraphrase. The first sentence is too similar to the original and the rest, doesn't allow for the proper redevelopment of the presentation in a manner that suits the requirements of the prompt. A more accurate paraphrase would probably have been as follows:

City capitals across the globe are experiencing a population boom. This has resulted in a number of problems for each country. In this essay, I will present a few causes of this problem and offer a possible, unified solution to the worldwide population growth problem.

Now, you only have 3 body paragraphs within which to discuss the problems and the solution. The situation in your essay is that you presented 3 barely developed representations of the problems in a single paragraph. That does not allow you to accurately develop your paragraph presentations in a coherent and cohesive manner. You only presented the problems without an actual cause to explain its existence. The solution, would have been to choose only 2 problems to present in fully developed individual paragraph discussions. That way the reason behind the problem is also presented and as such, a logical solution could be considered for presentation. Make sure that you just present connected problems so that you can offer a single solution that can cover both situations. Remember, you need to be able to clearly explain yourself in English so that you can score well in the C&C and GRA sections. So individual presentations are always best.

Some of your paragraphs do not cover the 3 sentence minimum requirement so you need to fix that in your next essay. It should always be 3-5 sentences. No exceptions. As for the conclusion, it doesn't really summarize the discussion and offer a clean wrap up of your presentation. Rather, it continues the discussion so the examiner will see that there is no clear resolution in sight for your discussion and as such, came up as a 5 paragraph open ended essay rather than a closed essay discussion.
The use of "as well as" has to be followed by the -ing form of the verb.

By doing this...

It should be :

By doing this, it would be convenient for its residents to travel as well as attracting more people to come and work, promising a better education for the parents' children.
hi Jimmy, glad to read you're writing because you discuss nice topic actually. it good you wrote more than 250 words, and sometime in your paragraph you used nice tenses but not for all. for the first stage, in your introduction, you should a little explaining for describe your essay, so that the reader will be curious with your essay actually. secondly, you have to write 3 sentences for 1 paragraph. the last, in your conclusion is not clear and don't describe about all of your writing.

I hope it Help.


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