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Lovegood 1 / -  
Jan 8, 2021   #1

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems.

Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individual should tackle these problems.

Generally, city appears to be an appealing place to live. Of course, higher income, better education, a more vibrant life than rural areas become an irresistible attraction to entice numerous new residents. This is blamed for an enormous rate of overpopulation. The rapid growth of population in city badly afflicts its environment. There is an urgent need to solve this problem through reducing pollution and garbage disposal.

Overcrowding in urban area leads to an increasing number of vehicles for commuting which is accused of causing a vast amount of exhaust fume in the air. Consequently, citizens become vulnerable to long-term health problem, especially causing bronchitis and diminishing lung functions. Also, the tiny bit of soot results in dirty cityscape and increasing average temperature in city. Furthermore, food waste issue stems from overpopulation. Specifically, food waste which accounts for major daily domestic waste emits a toxic greenhouse gas, called methane. Seriously, this harmful emission has a negative impact on climate change and causes death.

In order to address the above issues, the government should encourage city residents to commute by public transport. To fulfil this desire, however, the public transportation system has to be modern and comprehensive. Additionally, public transport will use electricity from clean sources such as hydropower, solar energy and wind power which will not generate emission. Other solution for this is covering city with more vegetation and trees to provide shades, purify their air by trapping carbon and other pollutant and enhance citizen's quality of life. Furthermore, encouraging individual composting food waste at home would be a far more successful approach to protect our environment as well as to reduce the authorities' pressure on waste disposal.

In sum, overpopulation brings serious problem to our life. However, there are available solutions to improve the situation and look forward for a sustainable life.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,088 3251  
Jan 9, 2021   #2
Your first paragraph is confusing and does not properly restate the original prompt. There are too many personal opinion presentation points that blur the original prompt topic and discussion requirements. You have not appropriately given a new version of the original prompt. Expect to receive a failing mark in the TA score. because of this inaccuracy. There is no room for additional information or personal opinions in the section of the essay that requires you to simply restate the given discussion point. The restatement loses accuracy due to the prompt deviations that your personal opinion presented.

You were asked to give only one or two reasons for the discussion, then possible solutions from the government and individuals to solve the problems. Your reasons are multiple when you were asked to provide only 2 at the most. That is because you are being scored on the clarity of your reason and explanation. You should also have successfully presented the two reasons in a connected manner. Rather, the discussion you presented became disjointed, lacking in actual connection, and without proper explanation developments for each reason provided. There is a clear lack of coherence and cohesiveness in the discussion presentations.

The solutions you presented are not all connected with the reasons you provided, further increasing the obvious lack of cohesiveness between the discussion paragraphs. Where there is no cohesive presentation, there cannot be a coherent explanation as you only provide topic sentences, again, without proper explanation development. This overall presentation of the reasoning paragraphs will not receive a good score, even though you wrote more than the 290 word limit.

The conclusion is incomplete. It does not provide an accurate discussion summary and is lacking the 40 minimum word count for that paragraph presentation. Kindly remember that your long essay will not be garnering you a better score if you are unable to fulfill the task requirements as you did in this essay. It is saddening to see the rush you had to simply write as much as you can, without considering the clarity of your explanation. You have a good grasp of the English language. Had you focused on following the instructions instead of simply typing as much as you could within 40 minutes, you would have gotten a better overall presentation score.
ALU08008 1 / 4 2  
Jan 10, 2021   #3
At the first paraphrase straight to your point at the beginning, then an explanation of what the discussion topic is about. This will be more clear and acceptable, it would have been even better had you reworded explaining sentence covering the reference to why people gather to urban areas.