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IELTS Writing task 2 - Overpopulation problem and how to solve it

arizabp 1 / 1  
Jul 18, 2017   #1
Question :
The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for poor, undeveloped countries, but also for industrialised and developing nations.

Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution.

how the overpopulation affect a country?

Answer :
In a today's life, overpopulation happens across the world and causes some difficulties for some countries. There is an imbalance number of job seekers with the industries, and the rising number of population also gave a negative impact on their quality life such as shelter, as we know that some cities in developed countries nowadays have a poor quality of life because of the overpopulation they had. I believe that these problems can be solved by the government with cooperation from all citizens. Building an economical flat and giving a public workshop for citizen can be the ideal solution for these problems.

The significant differences between numbers of people and the industries within the country are the most crucial problem nowadays. Without having a job, people cannot fulfill their needs which are correlated with the chance of doing crime. The limited number of shelters in the city also must be solved by the government as we know that mostly overpopulation happens in the city. If people do not have any shelter, they mostly will build an illegal house on the riverbank which is dangerous for them. These problems happened in Jakarta 3 years ago, overpopulation could not be controlled by the government and it caused problems to the city such as traffic jam, flood, and high number of crime. From this, I can state that overpopulation is the most crucial problem which must be solved for developing the country.

There are several ideas that might be possible to solve these problems, such as build an economical flat and give a workshop for those who want to find a job. Economical flat can reduce the number of illegal shelters rapidly, and therefore government can manage the city well if the fundamental needs of citizens are well managed such as shelter. Even though it spent lots of cash, it can help a lot for reducing overpopulation impact. Another option is to create some workshops for those who are looking for a job. People mostly need a skill to do some jobs, and this is what government can help with, and expert person will be paid worth than the fresh one. Meanwhile, it must be followed with the increasing number of jobs opportunity also.

In conclusion, overpopulation can give lots of disadvantages for country development. Although there are some solutions also that government can do for this problem, such as building an economic flat for poor citizen and also creating some workshops for job seekers. I believe that overpopulation can be solved if we always come up with the solution, without blaming each other.
annrieska 1 / 2  
Jul 18, 2017   #2
@arizabp, your essay actually quite good but if you could re-arrange the paragraph and mention one problem and solution per paragraph, it would be much better and easier to read.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,364 3367  
Jul 18, 2017   #3
Ariza, I realize that this is your first attempt at writing a Task 2 essay so I will not score this essay. You have made a number of mistakes that could actually cause you to fail the exam proper had this been given as the topic and then have you present it in the above manner. Your presentation does not follow the standard requirements for this type of essay writing so I need to guide you in developing the writing style first, the content second.

The first thing that you have to learn is that there are specific parts to the essay that you have to write. These parts are the opening statement, body paragraphs, and concluding statement. In the case of your essay there is no opening statement nor conclusion, only body of paragraphs. This format alone will lead to an automatic failure in an actual setting. In order to gain a passing chance for the test you must make changes to your writing style.

First, you must learn how to paraphrase the original prompt. Paraphrasing means saying the prompt instructions in your own words. What did you understand the prompt to mean? How are you being asked to discuss it? What do you think of the topic being discussed? Do you have an opinion? To what degree is your opinion? These are some of the questions that you can answer in the development of your paraphrased opening statement. The original prompt will normally tell you how far you have to go and what information you have to present in the paraphrased outline. The outline being the topics for discussion and how it will be discussed.

Next, you need to practice drafting your paper. Write a rough version within the first 5 minutes of the timed test. Then review it and expand the sections that need expanding. Aim to write no less than 3 sentences and no more than 5. Do not present too many ideas. Just develop solid presentations for single ideas because that is all that the remaining time allotment will allow you to do. Bear in mind the original instructions and make sure to deliver only what is required of your essay. Do not make it unnecessarily complicated like you did with this essay.

Finally, practice summarizing the discussions you have presented. Make sure to properly summarize the details and facts that you present. Do not, under any circumstances, present any new information. That will mean that you did not conclude your discussion but rather, left it hanging without proper closure.

Do your best to follow these instructions with your next test and you should begin to see some impressive improvements with your essay writing. At this point, this essay is not worth the time that you took to write it because it is nothing more than a long narrative without a beginning or an end. It is a failure as an essay.
DoctorWho - / 46 29  
Jul 18, 2017   #4
Hey Ariza!!

I feel like you have some good ideas but this essay has room for a lot of improvement.

One thing that I have constantly being telling people is the pattern in which you present your ideas. It matters a lot.
Even though you did speak about a few hazards of overpopulation and have mentioned a solution, your essay is very haphazard. You have written about both the problems of overpopulation as well as control measures simultaneously.

It's best if you split your essay into 3 parts.

1) An introduction para - Here you simply introduce the topic at hand and it's relevance in the present day.
Simple Example-
" Overpopulation is a major issue in the modern world. It has a negative impact on health and development not just in the developing nations, but the affluent societies as well."

2) The Body of the essay - Focus now on answering the key questions in the essay. This is the major chunk of the essay.
a) Harmful effects of overpopulation - Effects on human health ( Overcrowding and increased risk of diseases and epidemics), quality of life (Poor housing, education and healthcare facilities to meet the needs of a large population) and on the environment ( Air and water pollution, noise pollution from traffic), etc

b) Simple solutions to overcome these negative impacts - This can be you concluding or third para.
- Educating the public regarding contraceptive use, promoting smaller family norm with incentives, and your other ideas ( workshop and economic flat)

In conclusion para talk about how this major issue effecting human lives can be controlled by these simple implementable solutions.

* There are a few grammatical errors in your essay. So pay attention on that as well.

Keep practicing and you'll do extremely well.
Good Luck! :)
OP arizabp 1 / 1  
Jul 19, 2017   #5
Thank you all for your helpful feedback, I will do my best then :)

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