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The oversea tourist is the reason for causing tension and negative impacts to the country they visit

phuongbui 1 / -  
Jul 26, 2018   #1
Some people think that international tourism creates more tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

IELTS Writing Task 2 about international tourism

Recently, international tourism has dramatically developed and become the primary source of income for many countries, however, some people reckon that the oversea tourist is the reason for causing tension and negative impacts to the country they visit. In my perspective, I believe international tourism brings more benefits than disadvantages, especially creates understanding between people from different customs.

It is undeniable that travel broadens our minds. The differences among cultures stimulate human's curiosity, tourists are always ready to open their mind for inquiring about new customs, habits, they will find interests in local residents, as a result, the conversations between tourists and locals will be created and it is conspicuous that communication is the best way to build understanding and beliefs among different people whereby tourists and locals can help each other to study languages, for examples, English learners in Ha Noi often go to Hoan Kiem Lake to talk with foreigners who are able to help them improve their English speaking skill. Not only that, when tourists approach to another philosophy, they may change their minds. For examples, when Western people go to Asian countries, they may come to know how young generation respect their elder in their society and when Asian people travel to Western countries, they may know how to live independent like Western adolescences.

On the other hand, international tourism changes people's perspective. In the modern life, people always think that watching TV, reading newspapers can help them know all about the world out there but it is definitely wrong. Maybe, all the things they know about Afghanistan are civil wars, armed conflicts and poor children but the real thing is Afghanistan is a beautiful country with sweeping valleys, stunning lakes, snow-capped mountains and gorgeous residents. Moreover, international tourism is a workable way to solve tension. For instance, when rich tourists from developing countries travel to northern Africa and the Middle East, they may comprehend more about the difficulties that local people have to face with and tourists will totally be able to help.

In conclusion, the juxtaposition of the tension with understanding is obvious that international tourism brings more understandings between people from different cultures. It helps create international integration, strengthen solidarity and make more chances to solve municipal problems from global helps.

smally01 9 / 34 14  
Jul 26, 2018   #2
Dear Phuong, hope that I can help.

First thing is that would you mind tell if you agree or disagree to the statement 'the international tourism bring more cultural conflicts than understanding'?

Then from the 2nd paragraph, "The differences among (...) English speaking skill." <- is it run-on sentence? Also, the paragraph seems telling the reader the advantage of tourism(interesting / learning languages / establishing communication) which I'm afraid you might lose some marks on the task achievement.
Tran Minh Hien 4 / 11 3  
Jul 27, 2018   #3
Hi Phuong! Overall, you used a quite large range of vocabulary here, which will help you score well on the lexical resource criterion. However, there are some words that I believe you don't understand their usages completely. This will lead to lots of deduction in Grammar and Accuracy. So better use "simple" words that you know well, or if you still want to use these "fancy" words, you should do some research on them. For example, "on the other hand" means "in a way that is different from the first thing you mentioned", so it's inappropriate to use here. You could simply use "firstly, secondly,..." or "in addition" or somewhat similar conjunctions. There are many examples from the essay that I can't spot them all. Read your essay again, if there is a word that you only put it there to "show off" then you'd better check it again. Its meaning may not be what you used to know.

In the introduction, I think that the first sentence was wasted to present some additional facts that are unnecessary. I understand that it may be originated from Vietnamese writing style that we were taught at schools, but in IELTS you should save your time as much as possible. For the introduction, don't write too long or try to make it complicated. Write 2-3 sentences, 1-2 should be used to paraphrase the question only, to show that you totally understand what the topic is. Then the last sentence will answer the question directly: you agree or disagree. From the body paragraphs, I understand that you disagree with the statement, but I don't see it from your introduction, which will make examiners confused and deduce your score.

That's all I can advise you. Feel free to discuss any point you disagree. Have a good day!
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,883 2165  
Jul 28, 2018   #4
Bui, you have some major errors in this essay that will automatically garner yo a failing score. The first is that you created a prompt deviation. Based upon the original discussion, you were expected to respond to the question;

Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your response/prompt deviation is: I believe international tourism brings more benefits than disadvantages, especially creates understanding between people from different customs.

You changed the discussion from an extent essay to an advantage / disadvantage essay discussion. This shows that you do not understand the prompt requirement which means you will not get a passing TA score, which will then prevent you from getting the lowest possible passing score of 5 for this essay discussion. That is because you have created mistakes in other scoring sections as well which will result in further low scores that add up to a less than passing mark in the end.

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