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Oversea traveling has become significantly popular - advantages and disadvantages to the community


jackjixam13 4 / 7 4  
Jul 21, 2020   #1

Some feel International tourism this is a positive trend, what are your opinions on this?



In recent years, oversea traveling has become significantly popular and brought about both advantages and disadvantages to the community. In my opinion, it is international tourism that benefits the local community economically and socially.

From an economic perspective, a tourist from another nation is considerably vital to the host country. Firstly, foreign travelers spend their money on food, souvenirs or services in the place which they are visiting. This gives the locals an attractive source of income as foreign tourists are often generous and willing to pay. Secondly, local restaurants or theme parks will need to employ more staff if there is a growing demand for their products and services. This offers many job opportunities for the residents, providing them with a decent job and a fixed income, in turn increasing their quality of life.

From a social perspective, a region that is developed for the purpose of boosting international tourism is worth settling in. First of all, it is likely that a profitable tourist attraction attracts many investors and businesses. This results in a greater demand for housing, creating a prosperous future for the local construction industry. Furthermore, there might be more services and amenities, such as restaurants, supermarkets or cinemas to be provided if there is a growing population, making the life of local inhabitants much more convenient and comfortable. This has a powerful impact on every aspect of life, especially in rural areas, where are lacking the state budget to develop.

In conclusion, although there could be some problems with international tourism, I strongly believe that the positive side of oversea traveling, if managed well, outweigh the negative.

Hope you guys can help me with my writing, many thanks!
banhbaooo03 2 / 4 1  
Jul 21, 2020   #2
Hi! Hope you're having an amazing day.
I find you essay pretty coherent and comprehensible though I'm extremely new to this Ielts environment :) I deeply admire you, to be honest!

However, in my opinion, there're certain changes you can make to make it more interesting(?):

1.From an economic perspective ->As far as economy is concerned
2.This gives the locals an attractive ... -> Therefore, an attractive source of income can be given
3.This offers many job opportunities ... -> Subsequently, many job opportunities for the residents, which provide them with a decent job and a fixed income to increase their quality of life, can be offered.

Since, you used "First of all", I am not sure you can use " Furthermore" for the next point. So that I'd recommend you use "Initially" or just change into:

1.First of all, it is ... -> Undeniably, a profitable tourist attraction attracting many investors and businesses results in a greater demand for housing, which in turn create a prosperous future for the local construction industry.

2.This also has a powerful impact ...
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,159 3636  
Jul 21, 2020   #3
You did not properly deliver the restated prompt requirement. Although, you gave relevant reasoning topics in the discussion paragraph. Your paraphrase actually altered the discussion topic from the original as evidenced by:

Discussion Question: what are your opinions on this?
Response: it is international tourism that benefits the local community economically and socially.

Your response is not aligned with the discussion topic which is:
OT: Some feel International tourism this is a positive trend

Truth be told, I found the discussion topic to be quite confusing. Almost as if this is not a true Task 2 question and you just made it up so you could write a practice essay. None of my source materials for the original prompt could provide me with any clarity on the original prompt presentation which you accidentally misinterpreted when you tried to express it in your own words as the discussion title of this essay. So I will be advising you with some caution as your essay topic is unclear and indicated 2 different discussion formats for this essay.

Which is it? A personal opinion essay or an Advantage v disadvantage essay? Like I said, 2 different discussion formats. So I don't really know how to proceed with this. However, I will try to do something based on the work you presented.

Your opinion should have indicated whether you see this topic as an advantage or disadvantage. You mentioned that in your first sentence, but then failed to present an opinion that indicates if you see this as an advantage or disadvantage to the community, which is different from a positive or negative trend. The actual response you presented then spoke of benefits for the local community both economically and socially. All of which sends the discussion all over the place, without an actual focus. You are not really discussing a real topic here, nor are you discussing in a proper format. The instructions are just too vague and confusing for a proper content review of this work.

It will be wrong of me to review your grammar errors at this point. I do not even know if you are discussing the right topic in the right manner. Next time, do not fool around and try to restate the prompt in a shortcut form. Post the full prompt in the text box. Do not alter anything. That way I can give you proper advice based on the original discussion instructions.


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