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'overseas investment by companies' - IELTS Essay


qinying 1 / 4  
Sep 8, 2012   #1
some people think inviting foreign companies to set up factories in developing countries is helpful for improving local economy.while others believe that foreign companies should not be allowed to do so and local companies should be encouraged instead.discuss both views and your own opinion.

there has been discussion revolving around the issue of whether foreign companies should set up factories in developing countries. In this essay, I will compare and constrast two typical opinions regarding this issue.

There are reasons for some people to believe that foreign companies opened their branches in local country would be helpful. In the first place, these branches can contribute to satisfy people's needs for high quality commodities so that it can promote citizens' standards of life.

In the second place, local companies can learn more advanced technologies and comcepts from foreign companies , which can help local companies make up for their limitation and increase their competition. In the third place, it can bring more work opportunities so that can increase employment rate.

On the other hand,it is worth pointing out there are also arguments supprting the opinion that foreign companies to set up factories in developing countries would bring some negative effects. the main one may be aggressive overseas investment will affect independence of local economy so that detriment of long-term development. moreover, foreign factories will bring severe competition,some smaller local enterprises will bankrupt, because they can not compete with foreign enterprises.

To conclude, my own view is overseas investment the advantages overweigh the disavantages , but the government should also control the number of foreign companies in order to avoid the bigger shock to minor enterprises.
didiconopidi 2 / 4  
Sep 8, 2012   #2
I think that you essay is good but if I were you i'd write a separate paragraph with my opinion and than a conclusion.Overall I think you wold receive a band 6 score or 6.5.Good luck
OP qinying 1 / 4  
Sep 9, 2012   #3
thank you and your advice !
optal 2 / 1  
Sep 10, 2012   #4
First of all, I think you need to check a capital letter and some word choice. For example, "smaller local Enterprise" is confused in meaning because enterprise means a huge company. Therefore, it's a slightly change in the meaning. I think company or retailer probably works very well in that sentence.

Another mistakes that I think is possessive adjective like "To conclude, my own view is the overseas investment's advantages overweigh the disavantages."

or you can use "of" like "To conclude, my own view is the overseas investment of the advantages overweigh the disavantages."

That what I thought.
Overall, It's great.
You are a well-organize and sharp perspective person.
OP qinying 1 / 4  
Sep 10, 2012   #5
thank you so much ! it's really really helpful .
Tomy6240 2 / 3  
Sep 10, 2012   #6
I think you will score very well in coherence and grammar. To improve your band score, you can find synonyms for the following words:

Foreign companies: multinational companies

foreign companies

it can bring more work opportunities so that can increase employment rate.

It can create more job opportunities which result in a decrease in unemployment rate.
OP qinying 1 / 4  
Sep 11, 2012   #7
thank you so much ,i revised my essay as your suggested.


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