Could you correct my grammar? Thanks a lot!!!
People's lives have been changed in many ways through the development of technology. The progress in technology enables us to live without any difficulties. As far as I am concerned, life today is better than it was in my grandparents' childhood for the following reasons.
First of all, I think that technology has benefited us. The development of computers and Internet has influenced people a lot. People can buy many things on the net instead of shopping in a real shop. It is also easier to get information from the Internet. For example, I like to find answers in the net for my daily problems all the time. Students write reports and do research with computers. Moreover, people use various digital devices to make their lives more convenient. I think that modern technology contributes greatly to our quality of life.
With the advancement of transportation, people live in a more convenient life. People used to travel abroad by boats before airplanes were invented. According to a research, the airplane is safer and more comfortable than the boat. On the other hand, the car plays an important role in our life. People cannot move too far by walking or riding a horse. For example, when my grandfather was a child, he took two hours to walk to school everyday. If his family has had a car, he would not have spent so much time on commute.
The third reason is that there are many innovations in medicine. Because of the advancement in medicine, people live longer than before. Most of the illnesses can be cured without much pain. We know how to protect a disease by getting vaccinations. For example, a new virus, H1N1, had spread out in several days. Science developed a vaccine in few days, so the new virus was under controlled.
In conclusion, given the reasons described above, I think we live in a better life than out ancestors. Thanks to the development of technology, our life is more convenient. In addition, we are healthier because the medicine is advance.
People's lives have been changed in many ways through the development of technology. (The progress in technology enables us to live without any difficulties.)-THE TONE IS TOO FIRM AND STRONG. LOTS OF PPL HAVE DIFFICULTIES TO EVEN SURVIVE. As far as I am concerned, life today is better than it was in my grandparents' childhood for the following reasons.
First of all, (I think that) NO NEED TO ADD ANY "I THINK" IN ACADEMIC ESSDAYS, EXCEPT FOR THE 1ST PARAGRAPH. (technology has benefited us.）THE SUBJECTIVE SENTENCE SHOULD BE STRONGER. The development of computers and (Internet) NO CAPITAL has influenced people a lot. People can buy many things on the net PREFER TO SAY INTERNET instead of shopping in a real shop. It is also easier to get information from the Internet. For example, I like to find answers in the net for my daily problems all the time. Students write reports and do research with computers. Moreover, people use various digital devices to make their lives more convenient. I think that modern technology contributes greatly to our quality of life.
With the advancement of transportation, people live in a more convenient life. People used to travel abroad by boats before airplanes were invented. According to a research, the airplane is safer and more comfortable than the boat. (On the other hand,)NOT SURE IF THE PHRASE IS PROPER HERE.I DONT FEEL ITS COHERENT. the car plays an important role in our life. People cannot move too far by walking or riding a horse. For example, when my grandfather was a child, he took two hours to walk to school everyday. If his family （has had）IT SHOULD BE HAD HAD BUT PREFERABLE TO SAY HAD OWNED a car, he would not have spent so much time on commute.
The third reason is that there are （many） THE WORD MANY IS UNFORMAL. BETTER USE A GREAT NUMBER OF INSTEAD. innovations in medicine. Because of the advancement in medicine, people live longer than before. Most of the illnesses can be cured without （much）UNFORMAL pain. We know how to protect a disease by getting vaccinations. For example, a new virus, H1N1, had NO HAD spread out in several days. Science developed a vaccine in few days, so the new virus was under controlled.
In conclusion, given the reasons described above, I think we live in a better life than out ancestors. Thanks to the development of technology, our life is more convenient. In addition, we are healthier because the medicine is advance.
I THINK THE ESSAY IS ORGANIZED WELL SORRY TO SAY IT IS NOT DEVELOPED WELL AND SUPPORTING EXAMPLES ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH AND TOO MANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES.
PRACTICE MORE, WE CAN DO IT BETTER. :D
Chris, thank you!!
Here are some model structure probably good for you. Have a look.
The topic of people's view on young people enjoy life more than older people do can be approach
from several different angles due to its complexity. Some people tend to prefer young people while
others seem to prefer old people. I have also developed my own point of view as well. I favor the
former position,that is,I think young people enjoys life more than older people do.
First of all,...
Second,...
Finally,...
If all these situations have been considered,I think the advantage of youngster carry more weight
than those of elderly. From the mentioned reasons above,I may finally draw a conclusion that young
people enjoys life more than old people do.
Wish I could help!
Do you know about 'active voice' in writing? Look at the difference:
People's lives have been changed in many ways through the ...---See? Make it so that the subject of the sentence is doing something. Don't make it so that something is being done to the subject of the sentence. It is more powerful with the "active voice."
Also, instead of ending the first paragraph with "for the following reasons," you should try to find the words to express the big reason that unites all the reasons with one another. Or you can list them at the end of the first paragraph. But do not just say "for the following reasons."
You can do the same thing at the end of the last paragraph...
Thanks to the development of technology, our life is more convenient. In addition, we are healthier because the medicine is advanced . It is natural for progress to come with complications, but we must embrace the complications to reap the rewards.
I added a sentence. It is an example of a sentence that sums up your message. Put another sentence like that at the end of the first paragraph.
:-)
