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Own business has more benefits for inhabitants as people can determine their own effort


ilankelo21 36 / 41 22  
Jan 27, 2016   #1
Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

It is becoming more popular that many people tend to be recruited in one company. This is due to a common problem occurred around them such as a high risk to be bankrupt and lack of fund they need to start business. However, I tend to argue that starting own business has more benefits for inhabitants as they have no restriction to lead where their enterprise concerns and train them to be more creative.

For those proponents of this notion believe that one of drawbacks of starting own enterprise is a high risk to be bankrupt. This occurred as they do not have a great experience regarding with business. And they are afraid to be unsuccessful. Taking new graduate university students for example, most of them prefer to look for job instead of creating own income. When asking why they take this choice, 85% of the answer is lack of experiment and a high risk to be bankrupt, says Widodo, an economics professor from Semarang State University. Besides, the donations which help them kick their effort of are limited. If this is forced, there will not be impossible a debt from bank or other fund institutions has to be taken. And this, of course, makes the entrepreneur difficult to develop as the income will be used to pay the debt.

However, what is described above is not truly true since engaging in entrepreneurship has more advantages. One which can be taken into account is the independence in determining what field will be focused on without being interfered by any pillars. And this will make people flexible to take any policy related with their effort such changing from electronic goods concern to stationary if the exchange of money are predictable. Aside from that, by taking a part in own business can make society more creative as they are required to think out of the box. Also the income will be received is controlled by themselves which make them have many choices to utilize the resulted profit.

In conclusion, basically starting own business has disadvantages like the risk to be bankrupt and the limited budget required. While I am more likely to say that its benefits is more crucial since people can determine their own effort, be more creative, and the revenue they receive is determined by the entrepreneur themselves.

Pey28 8 / 13 1  
Jan 27, 2016   #2
Halo Ilan

Firstly, You should take two space when you move to other paragraph.

I must say, that you have a great explanation in this topic. It is like you really concern about this one.
:)

but you write it down for more than 350 words.
I think you should make it simpler due to the time you have.

This occurred as they do not have a great experience regarding with business. (It will be better if you make it flow,like which make them afraid to be unsuccessful)And they are afraid to be unsuccessful.

If this is forcedit forced, there will not be impossible a debt ... And this, of course, makes the entrepreneur ...
And this will make people flexible to take any policy It will make people take any policies comfortably related with their effort such like (you already using 'such') a changing from ...

Overall, your ideas is pretty good
Thank you
Wanderson120 1 / 3  
Jan 27, 2016   #3
1st paragraph
... be bankrupt and lack of fund they need to start a business...

2nd paragraph
... This occurred as they do not have a great experience regarding with the business.
Taking new graduate university students, for example, most of them prefer to look for a job instead of creating own income...

3rd paragraph
... And this will make people flexible to take any policy related withto their effort such changing from ...

4th paragraph
While I am more likely to say that its benefits is more crucial sincefor people can determine their ...

Suggestions:
- Your usage of transitional phrases is well.
- Looks like you may be employing some over-used words. For example, the word more.
- Your usage of sophisticated words, in relation to other well-written essays, is well.


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