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My own ways to improve the life in my hometown

KGayatri 2 / 1  
Jan 13, 2018   #1
If you could change something about your hometown, what you would change? Use specific reasons an examples to support your answer

overcoming environmental issues

I'm from this city in X called Y. This place is very close to me as I was born and brought up here. I have fond memories associated with this place. However, just like every other city, my city also has some drawbacks, the major problem being the lack of attention paid towards environmental issues. This could be due to several factors such as lack of awareness among people, the rapid increase in population, etc.

Air pollution is one of the major concerns of the city. The city is highly polluted which has severe impact on the people. For instance, due to the high population, the number of vehicles on the streets is also high, that is, each family uses their own mode of transportation mostly. The government should make a solid and better transportation system, by which people will find it easier to transport using public transport instead of private vehicles. They should also educate and bring about plans and agendas to make the public aware about the importance of sustainable development.

Moreover, higher the number of vehicles, higher is the traffic and the noise on the streets. The incessant noise caused by these vehicles can seriously affect our system and cause long term effects.

In addition to that, the system for garbage disposal should be improved. The public should have a sense of awareness and responsibility for proper disposal of waste. Most of the wastes that are thrown are burnt. This includes plastics as well, which further, causes air pollution. So a system has to be brought where people can differentiate between biodegradable and non- biodegradable waste and can ensure proper separation of the wastes so that they can prevent water, soil and air pollution.

In conclusion, if the public and the government put enough effort on their side we can ensure that the issues can be resolved.
naseernasrati 14 / 33 10  
Jan 13, 2018   #2
first of all here are some errors
in the first paragraph ( i have fond this place ....)
this sentence is not clear according to language use and tense
in the second paragraph ( that is)
i am confused with using this ( that is) what do you mean by stating this in the middle of the sentence
again the same problem in the fourth paragraph second line ( as well, which further) confusing

your conclusion is not good because it is just one sentence whithin one paragraph
you should write more sentences in one paragraph.
MariamBakr2001 2 / 4  
Jan 13, 2018   #3
That's a great topic, but there are some mistakes let's check them.
specific reasons an examples to support your answer-->Use specific reasons examples to support your answer
has severe impact -->has a severe impact
the public aware about the importance -->the public aware of the importance

[s ]and cause long term effects. --> and cause long-term effects.
HanNguyen0510 18 / 40 17  
Jan 13, 2018   #4
Hi, I am not native English speaker and I do not think my English is good enough to correct your essay. But here are some of my opinion as a reader to your writing:

1/ I found that you'd used repeated words too much: The major...., Transport... in paragraph one and two.
2/ Would it be able to find a word to replace in a sentence: "a solid and better transportation system" I suggest the word "Infrastructure"
3/ The content of the essay is not connected very well. It makes me confused about what you are discussing. Is that talking about air pollution or traffic or the wastes or the harmful of human's system? And at the end of the inclusion, I barely realized what could you change to your hometown as the topic required.

I general, I think that your grammar is good.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,230 3652  
Jan 14, 2018   #5
KGayatri, the prompt of this essay works on the principle of "pick battles small enough to win but big enough to matter". That means, you should pick a problem in your community that can be dealt with either on a personal or community level basis. That way you can make suggestions, recommendations, based on specific reasons, and supporting examples based upon your personal experience or community based action. The topic that you chose, is not uncommon to your city alone. In order for this essay to stand out, you have to choose something to change in your community that is unique to either your culture or way of living that you feel is a negative and should be improved upon in order to make it a more effective tool for your community to use. For example, composting of biodegradable waste material or giving children a curfew because they play in the streets. Little things that make a big difference in the community help to make the response to this prompt stand out.

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