Hello everyone! Nice to meet you. My name is Sothea Chhaeum. I am currently studying English as second Laguage. As part of our assignment, my teacher had asked us to write an essay. After many struggling days, I have successfully bring this piece of writing into existence. I was wondering if you can help me edit my work and give me feedback on what i should do to improve. This essay isn't good, and i hope you don't mind. Thanks in advance for your help. I wish you all the best.
Is Art Important to Our Lives?
Pablo Picasso once said "the purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off your souls". From his quote we can infer that our souls need daily dose of art just as our body needs regular bathe to stay clean and healthy. In other word, art is the fundamental demand that our soul craves for. While our body needs food to flourish, our souls need art as nourishment to thrive. Art renews our spirit by offering us joy and happiness and allowing us to forget sorrow. Whether it is music, theater, painting or dance, art reflects the inner most of human creativity and their earnest appeal. In this article, we are going to discuss about the importance of art. No matter what form it takes I believe that art makes people happy.
The reason why art makes us happy is because it responds to our deepest desire, which is happiness. Art has a hidden connection with our emotions. This connection is what makes us so familiar with art and to come to term with it so quickly without questioning. To illustrate how influence art is to our inner demand, let's take a look at a branch of art which is very popular among people today, music. Over years music has win over our heart and gain immense popularity. You will not be surprised to learn that a lot of people love music. This is because music appeals the most to our sense. We are captivated by the beat, the rhythm and the lyric of the song to which we listen. From time to time we listen to music; on our way to work or while doing chores. We even sing along with the rhythm. According to an article by the Academy of Finland (2015), art particularly music is very influencing that scientists use it to cure stroke and other memory disorders. Gavin Ryan Shafron (2010) stated that, "music itself has inherent, unchangeable qualities that will incite in a listener a specific emotional response, as designed by the composer of a given piece". All of these evidences strongly suggest that art is the most ideal inducement to our craving soul.
Have you ever notice that people who often spend their time with art and those who work closely with art are happy? Studies have found that people who engage in art-related work are happy people. This is because art has healing power. Carnevale, director of Georgetown University's Center on Education and the Workforce, stated that, not only do artists can have decent jobs, but they tend to be happier than their non-artist counterparts (Wall Street Journal, 2013). Unlike most of us whose jobs are pressurized by deadline, competition, and stress, artist have the jobs that allow them to express their deepest thought. For instance, to be a good artist, a person needs to be creative which means that he/she can see the world beyond its true form. This is why the value of a painting is not judge on how it looks, but rather on what it expresses. As a consequent, we can infer that the work of an artist expresses his/her true desire. That is why art can be seen used not only as for entertainment but also in medical field. "Clinical music therapists know the power music can have over emotions, and are able to use music to help their clients to better mood states and even to help relieve symptoms of psychiatric mood disorders, like depression" (Wood, 2015). In short, art sooth our soul and make us happy.
Despite ample of proof that art is has very profound effects on our mood, some people choose to deny these facts and do not give value to art as it is. They state that people can be as happy without art as they are now. In their opinion, there is wide range of choice that people can choose from, and lives can normally progress without art. Instead of listening to music, going to the gallery, or seeing play in the theater, people can spend time playing sport and do many other activities that will make them feel just as happy. This proof has some merit on the surface owing to the fact that there are some many inducements that people can do to stay happy. But we have to bear in mind that these activities also involve art. Imagine yourself jogging along a boulevard lined only by blank walls with no decoration. Would you want jog along that path again? Or living in your house completely derived of architectural composition. Would you want to go on living there? If you do, than certainly these environments will eventually eat up all your happiness. Whether you like it or not, art calms our soul without our consciousness. There is no denying it. We can hear it on the radio; we can see it along the road, and we can even touch it. This direct contact is how art make our live beautiful. So the next time when someone says that he/she does not need art to be happy, ask that person to look around his/her surroundings.
In conclusion, our live will not be beautiful without art. Trying to isolate ourselves from art is like taking a big chunk of happiness off our soul. As the saying goes, "world without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable" (George Bernard Shaw). It is always good to pick up art as a hobby. It only cost you time which I can guarantee will be worth. Give a little touch of joy to ourselves by getting involved with art. As mentioned, art takes on many different forms. When you find one that is not appeal to you, do not assume that you are not born for art. Try to find the one that suit you best.
You did excellent work in creating an opening statement that lays a solid foundation for your topic thesis. The introduction is interesting int he sense that your overview engaged the intellect and senses of the reader, which takes the place of the anecdotal hook that most students rely on to make their opinion paper interesting.
While I am tremendously concerned about the grammar errors within the essay, I found that these grammar mistakes did not affect the essay in a negative manner. The essence of your discussion somehow made it through and depicted the kind of meaning that you wished to imply. I won't go into detail about the errors and correct them as pointing those mistakes out is not the issue here. The issue is how well you discussed your thesis statement throughout the paper.
The content is strong, relevant, and well cited. It has an authoritative slant because of the reputable sources that your citations were taken from. However, the paper lacks your personal insight on the topic. Unless you were not allowed to use the first person pronoun in this essay by your professor, I don't see why you could not have made a personal reference to to your opinion towards the conclusion of the paper. By adding your personal voice or experience, you add to the authenticity of the discussion and show the reader the reasons as to why you have a strong opinion about the topic being discussed. That said, I would not worry about the kind of grade that this paper would get. It has all of the elements that would get it a pretty decent grade should you have to submit this for one.
