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Parent should not pressure their children to choose particular profession.


LiAnSoh 1 / 1  
Sep 28, 2017   #1
Question:

Parents should not pressure their children to choose particular profession. Young people should have the freedom to choose path they like.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?


career path choice



Answer:

Children must not be force by their parents when choosing a specific career. They should be free to decide the profession they want. I strongly agree that children should not be pressure and free to decide path they desire, therefore they need to be considerate towards their parents.

Some parents, particularly professionals usually demand their children to follow their steps. These kind of attitude put a lot of stress to their children's mind and their relationship. For instance, when a parents are both doctors or lawyers, they simply assume that their son or daughter will pursue the same career. As a result, children do not want to disappoint their parents are pressured and forced to follow their path, even though they are not completely motivated or perhaps have another job they want. These will also lead children to blame their parents when the times they cannot success with the job that their parents chosen for them.

Young people must be free when it comes to selecting career. Parents may be the one who will support them financially, however the decision should be lean on their children's own choice. Despite the freedom that may be given to them, young people should open-up and communicate well to their parents. They must explain to their mother and father and let them understand the reason behind their decision to pursue different profession instead. Perhaps, their parents will support them in the path they decided to chase.

In conclusion, parents should support and guide their children when choosing career rather than pressuring them. Hence, young people must be considerate enough to let their parents to understand and accept the path they decide for themselves.

Hi... I'm preparing for IELTS exam. Please someone review this essay. Please point out what I've done wrong and what must I do to improve my writing. I'm not good in grammar and using wide range of vocabulary. I'm still learning English. Thank you *_*

250+ words.
Phuong Cao - / 4  
Sep 29, 2017   #2
1. Grammar accuracy:
- You need to put these verbs into passive form: force (line 1), pressure (line 2)
- Verb tense: chosen (line 7) -> chose
2. Task response: You've made a remarkable effort to express your idea. As far as I understand, you claim that parent should offer financial support rather than force children to follow their willingness in occupation. However, your essay seems like your're paraphrasing this thesis statement and it lacks of supporting details to persuade others to believe that you 're correct.

This is my opinion
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178  
Sep 29, 2017   #3
Kei, your main problem is not the way that you express yourself in English. That is a minor problem when compared to your opening statement mistake. As you know, the opening statement is all about proving that you understand the English discussion and instructions enough that you are able to properly present your own explanation of the same in the first paragraph. The difficult part of that paragraph, is figuring out how to complete the paraphrase. Here is the thing, you need to present the paraphrase in such a manner that it is different enough from the original. How do you do that? By not using the same keywords from the original in the same position and manner in your paraphrasing. Your paraphrased paragraph is not different enough from the original to not be considered a paraphrase. As such, your score in the TA and GRA section of the test will be severely affected. Here is an example of a more accurate paraphrase of the topic:

When it comes to career choices, most parents try to influence their children's decision as to what career path he should follow. Based upon that belief, a number of people have come to realize that the freedom to choose what professional field a child wishes to work in is more preferable. I strongly agree with this belief and will explain why in the succeeding paragraphs.

You need to make your presentation original, while still keeping the essence of the original prompt in the presentation. I suggest that you review the other essays here that have the same problem as yours so that you can see how they managed to improve their writing in that area.
OP LiAnSoh 1 / 1  
Sep 29, 2017   #4
@PhuongCao .... thanks for the suggestion and opinion.. I'm having some trouble in using active and passive then tenses and even in articles T_T

@Holt. I see. I'm a bit anxious to paraphrase the introduction that much, so I keep it that way. I thought I might stray far from the original prompt if I paraphrase longer. And simply, there some few words I could not write in other forms.

Thank you for the review. I'll read essay as much as I can to learn more. Thanks :)
LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 9, 2017   #5
Hi, I'd like to make some corrections for you.

Children must not be forced by ...
--to use passive voice, you should have used "forced".

They should be free to decide on the profession they want.
--to mean "choose", you should have used "decided on".

children should not be pressured and free ...
--to use passive voice, you should have used "pressured".

These kind of attitude put a lot ...
-- you should have used"these kinds" or "the kind"

For instance, when a parents are both ...
Ummu 4 / 6 2  
Oct 10, 2017   #6
Hi, LiAn Soh it is good that you practice writing for IELTS test, before take real test
I have read your essay and conclude some point, your pattern in writing is complete. By provide main reason, effect, example, and conclusion.
Some point that you should take attention is paraphrasing. Your opening speech seems like similar with the question. It is better to find the good paraphrasing there so the repetition not happen.

Your second paragraph also still relate to the main point of your first paragraph, In my opinion, you should find new idea to be developed, and make a good relation between one paragraph and the next paragraph.

I wish you luck on your test ^^
lamphuongta 1 / 3 1  
Oct 10, 2017   #7
- "Children must not be forced by their parents"
- " I strongly agree that children should not be pressured and free to decide the path they desire.."
- " The kind of attitude puts a lot of ..."
- " For instance, when a parents are both ..." - a parents ?

There are some grammatical errors need to be fix, but your essay, in general, is pretty good. Good luck ♡


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