the parent's or teacher's role?
Attitude and profile are two things that are so important in sour life. How does a person's attitude and profile takes effect on one's personality and automatically affects one's social relations in society. And this aspect must be created and started from childhood. Therefore, it is important to educate children from childhood. However, the problem is who is responsible for the children for this? People have their own views, but what is causing controversy is whether parents are responsible for children's education? Or school? Okay, let's discuss.
The family consists of a father and a mother where they are the first school for their children. Starting from the birth of the child. Even when the baby is still in its mother's womb, the obligation of parents to educate their children has begun, and that is the child's right. We are not discussing education here in general, but attitude and profile are the scope of education and include the most important elements. Back to parents. Because parents are the first school for their children, caring for their children to protect their children from childhood, children will automatically follow their parents and reflect on their parents' behavior. In this matter, I agree that parents are the first to be responsible for this aspect of the child. However, what about school?
School consists of great people who have been tested and scientifically certified according to their respective fields. However, in school, what the teacher teaches to students is more formal subjects, such as mathematics, languages, science, computers, and so on. However, it is possible that the teachers also teach profiles and attitudes. Because students indirectly imitate what the teacher did. However, after all, the role of parents towards children is more than the role of teachers, in terms of specific time. And I am more convinced that parents are more responsible for the behavior of children's attitudes, which these attitudes will apply to children in social life. The teacher still has this responsibility, but the teacher's responsibility is bigger. So this is my writing about this discussion, and I hope for your correction. Thankyou.
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Since the TA section profiles your English comprehension skills based upon how well you can explain the original prompt to the reader, it is important that you do not begin to discuss the essay in the first paragraph. The expectation in this paragraph is that you will be able to restate the original prompt, without adding a personal opinion or otherwise irrelevant information. Irrelevant information would be the first 4 sentences in your current paragraph. You have to stick to a simple restatement of the original discussion topic. You should not offer rhetorical questions either. The question was posed at the end of the original prompt. All you have to do is respond directly to that question in the final 2 sentences of the restatement. This will help establish how well you understood the original prompt and also, clarify your opinion, in the correct portion of the prompt, based on the discussion response requirements. Outlining your 2 supporting reasons in this section would have done more for your TA score than this creative, but irrelevant presentation.
Nobody is asking you to define what a nucleus family is. There is no need to go into a detailed explanation of the family unit and its function. Simply use a topic sentence, that refers to a supporting reason for your opinion. You are not really meeting the single opinion requirement in this presentation. Your overall discussion approaches this more as an academic opinion paper based on an open topic rather than an academic opinion paper based on a focused Task 2 topic.
Next time, post the prompt along with your response essay. That way I can give an even more direct and applicable review of your work.